Posts tagged money coach
To Give or to Lend with Her Money Matters Jen Hemphill (Encore)
Jen Hemphill Instagram

Jen Hemphill and her husband believe in supporting family, but when the author of Her Money Matters, and the host of the podcast of the same name, was asked to lend money to a relative, she realized it would come at a cost to her own financial well being. 

In Jen’s money story you will learn:

Jen Hemphill: The first time this came up was when we were first married, so this was almost, we'll be married almost 18 years, so this was our first year in our marriage. We're a military family, we were stationed in Clovis Air Force Base in New Mexico.


We were really still trying to get to know each other, all the newlywed stuff. He got a call from my brother-in-law, and he, my brother-in-law apparently had hit a financial hiccup, and he reached out to his brother for help. Now, I grew up in a household that was very giving. My parents literally grew up in Columbia, and they always helped people. There was always people that would stay at our home, with their family, or some friends. My parents were always givers, even when they didn't have to give.

I saw that a lot growing up. I knew the financial struggles that they dealt with.

Bobbi Rebell: Were they dealing with financial struggles because they gave more than they could afford?

Jen Hemphill: I don't think it was that. That might have been a component, but not all of the components. Right? But it was partial, because I saw them giving, and giving, but they were still trying to get their money stuff together. Right? I saw a lot of that. When I met my husband, one of the things that I love about him is his big heart. He is definitely a giver. He's also a spender.

Bobbi Rebell: Are you the saver to a spender, by the way?

Jen Hemphill: I'm also a saver.

When my brother-in-law reached out to him, we had the conversation, granted again, we were newlyweds. We were trying to figure this thing out, and I can't remember the exact $1.00 amount, but it was more than $500.00.

Bobbi Rebell: Do you know what kind of situation it was? Was it like a medical operation? Was it a business situation?

Jen Hemphill: It was behind on bills, collections. Those type of things.

Bobbi Rebell: Your husband wanted to give him a loan, not a gift, a loan?

Jen Hemphill: Well, he told me a loan, but I knew him. He's a giver. He's not going to expect it back. Where I was more, in my mind, a lender. If you're asking us to lend you money, I'm like, “Okay. You're going to pay us back.” We had debt. We had things that we needed to pay for. Things that we needed to purchase. Literally, at that time we just had our checking account, and our savings account and literally whatever savings went into our savings account, so it was the emergency account, it was when we overspent, it was for big purchases, so everything that was needed that wasn't in our checking account came from the emergency fund. It literally got depleted fast, and it also diminished our abilities to have that extra money to pay the debt that we had. Right? It was a very conflicting time. We had this conversation-

We lent him the money, or actually gave him the money, and then never saw it back.

In Jen’s money lesson you will learn:

What we've done is, we included this in our budget, so we set some money aside in a different account, and whenever a family member needs help, we just look at what's in that account, so that way it doesn't really disrupt what we're trying to do financially, and the goals that we're trying to achieve. There's a designated amount that goes in there every month, and currently has just been to help grand mom with some bills, and that's what we work with.

Bobbi Rebell: It sounds like you've basically come to terms with you're just going to gift it.

Jen Hemphill: Yes, because then emotionally we don’t get upset, “Oh, my gosh, we said we were going to lend it, we never got it back,” so I've learned and grownup.

Over the years to really, when it comes to family, and friends, and when it deals with money, it's just a gift.

In Jen’s money tip you will learn:

Basically, my money tip is, what we tend to do, let's say we're at the grocery store, and maybe we have some coupons, always strike up a sale, and we're winning. We celebrate, “Yes. I've saved X amount this trip,” but what's important here is, yes, we can celebrate the $20.00, or $10.00, whatever that amount is that we saved, but what are we going to do with that money? Because we're missing out if we're just celebrating it, that we saved that money, but we're not doing anything with it.

Literally, we have the bank up on our phone. Right? And with so many people having smart phones, you can download your bank app, and whatever that amount of money that you save, transfer it to your savings, or transfer it to pay off some debt. Whatever you deem is best in your situation. But doing that versus just leaving it in there, you know it disappears. That money doesn't have a job, if you will, it just disappears. We've seen it time and again. I know I've experienced it, I'm sure you Bobbi have experienced it yourself.

A little bit about Jen’s book:

The book, oh, my goodness. The subtitle of the book is, The Missing Truths From Traditional Money Advice, so when we think of traditional money advice, we think about, we really hear, “Save more, spend less, and get out of debt,” but I know from my own experience, I had the financial books, I've read those financial books, I applied what the experts told me, and I was still finding myself stuck. In the book, I really share the lessons that I learned, and what I found out that really kept me stuck after doing all the things right.

In my take you will learn:

Jen's story was a reminder that family really can be everything, however you define family. We should bend over backwards to help out the people that we care about in our lives. In Jen's case even though her brother-in-law did not pay back that loan, as time went on the asks for financial help from family did go down.

Financial Grownup tip number one:

Remember it's hard for people to ask you for help, so factor that in when deciding what to do when someone comes to you asking for help. If you are able to help them with their financial troubles, it's usually a better idea to just give them money. If you lend them money, it becomes yet another thing that they need to pay back in a very stressful time. Of course, it can also put stress on your relationship with them. They might avoid you. They might feel like you're judging them, if they buy something. It's better to just keep it clean, give them the money. You know what? Someday you may be in a position where you need their help, and they'll be there for you.

Financial Grownup tip number two:

Jen talked about compartmentalizing money. Setting funds aside in different accounts for different purposes. This can be a great way to deliberately save for certain things like a slush fund for relatives that need help. Another thing that I have found can make a lot of sense to do is to put a certain amount of money, or allocate a certain amount of money, maybe on an annual basis to support friends, charities, causes that they care about.

That way when people ask for you to support whatever they're involved in, it might be a charity run, or some other fundraising effort, a benefit, you can take the money out of that fund, and if at some point in the year, I mean, you got to be real, here, the funds could run out, you can tell them, “Look, I've completed my giving for the year, but I will send a donation in January.” People understand. Your resources are not unlimited even if your heart is.

 

EPISODE LINKS

Get Jen’s book Her Money Matters

Jen’s website - www.JenHemphill.com

Follow Jen!

Twitter - @jenhemphilll

Instagram - @jenhemphill

Facebook - @Jennifer.Hemphill

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.

How to get your boss to pay your medical bills with High Fiving Dollars Sarah Li Cain
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High Fiving Dollars' Sarah Li Cain had a contract that said her company had to pay her medical costs, but when she got pregnant, she and her husband had to come up with a strategic plan to actually collect the cash they were owed. Plus her tips on how to make sure you get the luxuries you want in life, without feeling nickel and dime’d

In Sarah’s money story you will learn:

-The challenge Sarah faced when pregnant as a teacher in China

-How the healthcare system there required employees to pay upfront, and then fight to get re-imbursed

-The financial risk that created for Sarah and her colleagues

-How careful documentation helped to get her money back

-The technique Sarah used to negotiate with her employer and her boss for both her healthcare needs and those of her colleagues

In Sarah’s money lesson you will learn:

-That is is essential to read your contract when you take a job, and not assume it will provide things, even if it is the law.

-The importance of standing your ground when you are entitled to something. 

In Sarah’s every day money tip you will learn:

-Why she is willing to pay more for homes that have the amenities that are important to her and her family

-The importance of building in value-add activities and facilities into your home or community, so you don’t have to spend extra cash to have services and other things that you value but might not pay for on an individual basis. 

In My Take you will learn:

-The importance of documentation especially when you need to be re-imbursed by an employer

-The tools and apps I personally use for document management and scanning

-My take on lifestyle amenities where you live

-The crazy and outrageous amenities that may not be worth paying for in many cases

Episode Links

Learn more about Sarah at https://highfivingdollars.com/

Listen to her podcast with Garrett Philbin (from Be Awesome not Broke) Beyond the Dollar! https://highfivingdollars.com/podcast/

Follow Sarah Li Cain!

Twitter: @sarahlicain

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/highfivingdollars

Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/sarahlicain/

 

The tools I use to  store and track documents are

Dropbox dropbox.com

 

Evernote evernote.com

The App I use to scan documents is Jotnot https://www.jotnot.com/

Here’s a fun article from curbed.com on The Most outrageous amenities in NYC apartments https://ny.curbed.com/2017/12/18/16743830/nyc-outrageous-apartment-amenities-2017

Here is one from Elledecor.com on over the top amenities

https://www.elledecor.com/life-culture/fun-at-home/g14031044/over-the-top-amenities-nyc/

And here is one from Streeteasy.com on What Building Amenities to New Yorkers Want Most?

https://streeteasy.com/blog/nyc-building-amenities-top-10-most-popular/


Transcription

Sarah Li Cain:
I don't think they really thought it through if someone were to get pregnant because I chose to go with someone who was able to speak English because I don't speak Chinese and so they were pretty expensive. I think I racked up a total about $25,000.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Financial Grownup with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How to Be a Financial Grownup. And you know what? Being a grownup is really hard, especially when it comes to money. But it's okay. We're going to get there together. I'm going to bring you one money story from a financial grownup, one lesson, and then my take on how you can make it your own. We got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Hey friends. That was holistic money coach Sarah Li Cain of the blog High Fiving Dollars and the podcast Beyond the Dollar, taking a stroll down memory lane to a financial experience she'd probably rather forget. But she got through it.

Bobbi Rebell:
Welcome everyone and thanks for taking the time to join us here at Financial Grownup. We keep the shows on the short side so you can squeeze it into your busy day. But if you have more time, or are commuting, they are also meant to be listened to a few at a time. So when you subscribe, make sure the settings are at auto download and you will get three episodes each week.

Bobbi Rebell:
Back to Sarah. Her story is truly a financial grownup one because it begins with the birth of her first child which is a big life transition in and of itself, without all the financial responsibilities that comes with it, and she had to deal with a lot of money headaches. Here is Sarah Li Cain.

Bobbi Rebell:
Sarah Li Cain, you're a financial grownup. Welcome to the podcast.

Sarah Li Cain:
Thank you so much for having me Bobbi. I'm a big fan.

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh thank you, and I am a huge fan of yours ever since we met a couple of years ago actually at FinCon, which is a conference for content creators, because you were behind High Fiving Dollar and now the new Beyond the Dollar podcast. So congratulations on all of your success.

Sarah Li Cain:
Thank you so much.

Bobbi Rebell:
You are a holistic money coach. You also as I mentioned are a financial writer, and you are also someone who has worked all over the world, which brings us to the money story that you brought with you to share because it has to do with the time that you spent in China and something momentous that happened while you were there. Tell us.

Sarah Li Cain:
Yes, so actually spent a total about eight years in China. So before I was a writer and a money coach I was a elementary school teacher at a bunch of different international schools. My very last job, my husband and I found out that were pregnant. The interesting thing was in my contract the employer actually didn't pay for healthcare. So it's the employer legally has to provide you with healthcare, and so instead of actually giving us health insurance he had a little clause at the bottom of the contract that basically said we will reimburse 100% of any healthcare cost that you incur.

Bobbi Rebell:
That sounds really good.

Sarah Li Cain:
Yeah, it does, except if you don't have the money upfront and pay for that, then it makes it very difficult. And so for some of my coworkers-

Bobbi Rebell:
So you had to front the money?

Sarah Li Cain:
Yes. For some of my coworkers it was very difficult for them, number one, the ones who have children, they had to cover all their healthcare cost, and number two, I remember one of my coworkers had ... It wasn't major surgery but it was fairly big. She actually [inaudible 00:03:28] having to borrow money to cover that, until the employer was willing to basically reimburse it.

Bobbi Rebell:
So wait. Was it a situation where you would have to pay out of pocket and then basically fight to get reimbursed?

Sarah Li Cain:
Yes, exactly. So as long you had the receipt in theory they were going to pay you back. I don't think they really thought it through if someone were to get pregnant because healthcare is fairly cheap in China, but I chose to go with someone who was able to speak English because I don't speak Chinese and so they were pretty expensive. So I think I racked up a total about $25,000 American, including the birth, including the prenatal and postnatal care.

Bobbi Rebell:
So you had to forward that money, you had to pay that, and then try to get reimbursed?

Sarah Li Cain:
Yeah. One thing I did try to do was as the receipts payments, so every month when I'd have my prenatal appointments I would just sent, forward the receipt to my ... the owner of the school. Then the principal and I sat down and I said, "Listen, you know this is going to get really expensive. I'm going forward the boss or the owner a big, big bill, probably at least 10 grand after all of my prenatal appointments. He's going to have to be very careful because he's going to make sure, like, he's going to have that money and give it me." The principal and I actually worked together and figured out a way to approach the owner and how we were ... She was going to help me get that. The principal was going to help me get that money back.

Bobbi Rebell:
Was the school which is almost an independent school that did not have big financial resources, was that part of the issue why you were worried they wouldn't have the money?

Sarah Li Cain:
Part of it was the owner was new. I think he had taken over that school maybe for about a year, and number two, he's been, and this like anecdotal evidence, I haven't directly heard him say this but he's always mentioned about try to pay as little as possible for the foreign staff as he called us, and so I kind of knew that if I slapped him with this $25,000 bill that he'd probably pretty shocked and would try to find a way out of it.

Bobbi Rebell:
So what happened?

Sarah Li Cain:
I actually added up, I predicted all the cost for the birth and everything like that and I forwarded it to my principal. Then again the principal and I sat down and we basically said, "Okay, what's the best case scenario, what's the worst case, where can we meet in the middle with him." So we kind of came up with different ways to negotiate with him. The best case was he gives all that money back to me in one go. The second the best was if he paid in installments. And the worst case he refused.

Sarah Li Cain:
But I also said, "Hey, listen, I'm a great employee," and I actually calculated how many students that I brought into the school, so it kind of proved to him that like, hey, I'm helping you make money so therefore this little $25,000 expense wasn't that expensive in the grand scheme of things. What happened then was my principal then forwarded all of this information to the owner of the school and he actually agreed and was like, "Okay, I will pay all this back, I'll reimburse you as soon as you provide all the bills."

Bobbi Rebell:
And did they?

Sarah Li Cain:
Yes. So they did try to fight us a little bit. After my son was born my husband was the one to submit all the bills and so. Then they negotiated with him and said, "Well, we can't pay all this all at once. Is there some way we can just pay you back in increments?" So they did I think pay us the money back in about five installments but we did end up getting all the money back.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay, that's great. But you used this to actually make broader changes.

Sarah Li Cain:
Yeah. The funny thing was I had no idea that my principal was trying to fight for everyone to get free health insurance. Again, the owner of the school had to legally provide this. She actually ended up using the large medical bill to say to the owner, was like, "Hey, listen, what if another one of your employees gets pregnant. That's like a huge cost," and then she actually presented him with different health insurance options in China and how it ended up being cheaper. And so because of what happened with me, the entire staff actually got free health insurance afterwards.

Bobbi Rebell:
Wow. So how did you feel during this time? I mean you're pregnant, you're having to fight for all this stuff. What were your coworkers saying?

Sarah Li Cain:
It was really interesting. My coworkers didn't necessarily directly ask me about the money side of things because I think in their mind they're like, "Oh man, Sarah's really going to have to fight for this money because the owner is such a cheapskate," as they called him. I was really thankful because ... So my husband and I worked together, and so he really advocated for me when I couldn't, like when I was out on maternity leave and when I was just too tired to really say anything. So he would push me like, "No, listen, Sarah, you have to fight this," or he would go in himself and then talk to the principal which I found out later that he did, and say like, "Here, how can we negotiate all of this?" If it wasn't for his support, I probably wouldn't be able to keep pursuing the money.

Bobbi Rebell:
So what is the lesson for our listeners?

Sarah Li Cain:
The lesson is number one, read your contract, and number two, stand your ground. If it says in your contract that you're supposed to get something, then fight for it because it's written down, it's not a verbal contract, it's a written contract, so definitely pursue it, and get as much support as you need in order to pursue it.

Bobbi Rebell:
Looking back is there anything you would've done different yourself?

Sarah Li Cain:
No, not at all.

Bobbi Rebell:
And Sarah, that brings us to your everyday money tip which also kind of has to do with your health and wellness.

Sarah Li Cain:
Yeah. One of the things I really strive to do is that whenever my husband and I are renting a new place, or when we're looking for a new apartment, we always make sure the kind of amenities there are. We're always looking for somewhere with a gym, how easy it is to walk from let's say the supermarket or my son's preschool, if there's a swimming pool, and just anything else where we don't have to spend extra money. For example, an apartment that we just rented is actually a five minute walk to my son's preschool, it's a few minutes walk to a couple of supermarkets, it's actually closer to my husband's work, it's got a gym, it's got a swimming pool, it's got a playground for my son. So we're effectively saving thousands of dollars a year because now that I can walk with my son to preschool, I don't need a second car. I can just walk again to the supermarket when I need to. I'm saving money on membership fees, things like that.

Bobbi Rebell:
Awesome. All right, Sarah, tell us more about what you're up to. I know you have started season two of your podcast.

Sarah Li Cain:
Yeah. So Beyond the Dollar I co-host it with another money coach, Garrett Philbin. We're just having a lot of fun. We discuss a lot of issues that go literally beyond the dollar, just not practical finance tips, but more of the deeper how money really affects your well being. You can also find me in High Fiving Dollars. I talk a lot about my personal life there. If you have any questions, I love answering reader questions there as well.

Bobbi Rebell:
Awesome. Thank you Sarah.

Sarah Li Cain:
Thank you for having me.

Bobbi Rebell:
I love that Sarah and her husband paid it forward fighting for everyone else to have real health insurance even after they had won their own battle. Financial Grownup tip number one, whenever you know you're going to need to be reimbursed, as was the case with Sarah and her husband, document everything and make sure you have backups including electronic backups. I happen to use Evernote and Dropbox for storage, and I use an app called JotNot as a mobile scanner, and from that app I can upload to the Evernote and/or Dropbox accounts.

Bobbi Rebell:
Make sure you follow up on getting reimbursed, and on bills sometimes the way that the healthcare system is set up may not be as well-run as you would necessarily expect. If you want to learn more about the dangers of what can happen if you're not on top of these things, check out my interview with Chris Browning of the Popcorn Finance podcast. Just go to bobbirebell.com/podcast/chrisbrowning.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup tip number two, let's talk about lifestyle amenities because I know Sarah's a big fan of them. She makes this a priority. There's an upside and there's a downside. If you have amenities built into your rent or your home cost, you don't have to worry that if money gets tight or you just have a lot of expenses coming up or you're feeling uneasy about your financial situation, you're not going to feel pressured to say take a break from the gym. On the other hand, they do add to your overhead in most cases and if you're not going to use certain amenities, you need to factor that in and be honest with yourself.

Bobbi Rebell:
For example, just about all of us can at least make the argument that we can make good use of a gym. We might blow it off in reality, but we can at least make the case. That might be worth paying for when you're looking for a new residence, especially if it's in a community or an apartment building that has a really nice one. But if you don't have young kids, something like a playground does not add value to your life.

Bobbi Rebell:
Those are pretty mainstream amenities, but some buildings can even have quirky amenities that sound so cool like wine cellars, relaxation lounges, climbing walls, hydrotherapy circuits, bowling allies, pet spas, and of course dog training studio, something we all look for. They are designed to wow buyers and renters, but just because something looks super cool when you're checking out the residence, doesn't mean it's something that you're going to actually use. If they deliver value for you, that's great. But some are just gimmicky and can up the prices. By the way, if you want to read about some of the crazy things happening in the amenities business, I'm going to leave a few fun articles about hot new amenities in the show notes for you guys.

Bobbi Rebell:
If you have not already hit that Subscribe button so you don't miss any upcoming episodes, remember, the episodes are short, about 15 minutes, so if you want to listen for longer, there are three new episodes every week so you can easily binge on a bunch if you have a long commute or you're just running errands and you want a little more content.

Bobbi Rebell:
Be in touch. I am on Twitter @bobbirebell, on Instagram @bobbirebell1, and on Facebook @bobbirebell, and of course DM me your feedback on the podcast. Thanks to Sarah Li Cain and her growing family for helping us get one step closer to being financial grownups.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell is edited and produced by Steve Stewart and is a BRK Media production.

Sparks fly and blow the budget for Real Life on a Budget’s Jessi Fearon
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Jessi Fearon lives her Real Life on a Budget- but getting her husband in line when he saw a great sale on Fireworks was still a challenge. Plus her tips on how she got her book buying obsession under control!

 

In Jessi’s money story you will learn: 

-Why her husband blew the budget on fireworks!

-How he tried to avoid telling her about the splurge

-How she reacted when she found out he spent more on fireworks than on their wedding

-What her husband’s buddies had to say about the situation

-What else the Fearon’s could have bought with the money he spent on the fireworks

-The upside of the incident: they had their first big money talk as a couple

-The mindset that allowed Jessi to forgive her husband, and give him a roadmap for handing future temptations

 

In Jessi’s money lesson you will learn:

-Tools to put in play if you are a saver married to a spender

-How to better understand and manage the mindset of an unintentional spender

-Specific ways Jessi and her husband set and execute financial priorities

-Exactly how much money Jessi now gives her husband when he goes shopping for fireworks

 

In Jessi’s every day money tip you will learn:

-How Jessi spent over $250 in one year on books on Amazon.com

-How she was tempted to spend more than she realized

-How Jessi rediscovered the library

 

In my take you will learn:

-Why approaching well-intentioned overspenders in a non-judgemental way can be effective in helping them to adjust their behavour

-Specific pitfalls that trigger us into spending more than we planned, and how to counteract them

-How to understand the mindset of consumers who fall into the trap of spending more than they planned because of well-designed targeted sales tactics

-The benefits of having intentional discussions with anyone with whom you have shared finances. 

 

Episode Links:

Learn more about Jessi’s blog jessifearon.com

Get Jessi’s new free five-day money challenge

 

Follow Jessi!

Instagram @jessifearon

Twitter @Jessifearon

Facebook @JessiFearon


Transcription

Jessi Fearon:
They were having to buy two, get two free. And so he just kept buying stuff, and he said, “I didn't even pay attention when I checked out how much it was”. They looked at the receipt, and his buddy was like, “dude, you seriously spent $700 on fireworks”.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Financial Grownup with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How to be a Financial Grownup. But you know what? Being a grown up is really hard, especially when it comes to money. But it's okay. We're gonna get there together. I'm going to bring you one money story from a financial grownup, one lesson, and then my take on how you can make it your own. We got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Happy 4th of July, my friends, we have a special just for Independence Day money story. Thanks to our friend Jessi Fearon from Real Life on a Budget. Hopefully you are relaxing and not at work today. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome. Glad to have our returning folks as well, and thank you all for the DMs and the social sharing that's been going on. It's been so fun watching the show continue to gain traction, and we have you guys to thank. So, thank you. Hopefully, like I said, you're getting some time off this holiday week. For mom, Jessi Fearon, who is also an accountant, by the way. She celebrates every 4th of July with her husband, her family, and her friends in Georgia. And her husband is in her words, a total pyro. He loves his fireworks. So much so that he blew the budget, literally, which is not going to fly when your wife runs a blog called Real Life on a Budget. Here is Jessi Fearon.

Bobbi Rebell:
Hey Jessi Fearon, you're a financial grownup. Welcome to the podcast.

Jessi Fearon:
Well, thank you Bobbi, I appreciate you having me.

Bobbi Rebell:
And I am a huge fan of your blog, Real Life on a Budget, because you get very real. So, congratulations on the success of all that.

Jessi Fearon:
Thank you.

Bobbi Rebell:
And you manage it down in Georgia with three kids, which is pretty cool.

Jessi Fearon:
Yes. Yes. My sweet three children that can drive me crazy sometimes, but are such a blessing at the same time.

Bobbi Rebell:
And not to be forgotten, your husband, who ... This is ... Okay, little bit of trivia here, so your wedding, for fans of your blog, they already know this. Your wedding cost all of $500.

Jessi Fearon:
Yes.

Bobbi Rebell:
But, your husband spent even more, more than ... Your husband spent more than your entire wedding budget on fireworks. So this is an episode that we're going to drop in honor of July 4th. You have the ultimate July 4th money story. Go for it, Jessi.

Jessi Fearon:
Okay, well, a real quick little just background. It was our first year as a married couple. So we decided that we were going to celebrate the 4th of July with a good old American barbecue. And at the time our state, Georgia. You couldn't buy fireworks in the state of Georgia. You had to go outside the state. And so my husband and his buddies, they load up the truck, and they take the two hour trek over to Alabama. They buy fireworks, and they come back. And I'll never forget it. Me and my girlfriends were watching the truck pull in, and it literally looked like the Clampetts coming down the road. There were so many fireworks in the bed of this truck, it was insane. I mean, I even commented to one of the friends, I was like, "oh my goodness, it looks like they just bought fireworks enough for town hall to shoot off tonight". And so as I'm walking up to the truck, my husband's friends had this look on their face.

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh, oh. Like this guilty look?

Jessi Fearon:
Yeah. It's like they didn't want to talk to me, they didn't wanna look at me. It was almost like they were afraid they were gonna witness a murder or something, like they just didn't want to talk to me. And I was like, okay. And so I kind of made a joke to one of them. I said, "good mighty, how much did y'all spend"? And the one friend goes, "oh no, it wasn't us". "It was not y'all, it was your husband". What? I look over at my husband, I'm like, "honey, how much did you spend"? And so he starts going to this big deal about how they had this great sale, that it was like, buy two, get two free, and blah blah blah. And I'm like, "okay honey, how much did you spend"? And he was like, "oh, we'll talk about it later". So in my mind I'm thinking, okay, he spent a lot of money. He spent probably like $200. I'm thinking that's an insane amount of money. How could you spent $200 on fireworks, right?

Bobbi Rebell:
So you're guessing he splurged and spent about $200.

Jessi Fearon:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
What happens next?

Jessi Fearon:
I cornered my husband and I finally got him to tell me how much she spent. But he spent $702.48 on fireworks. And I literally couldn't believe it. I thought he was joking. I kept looking at him like, what? No you did not. That's our rent money. How could you spend $700 on fireworks? And I was so mad, and so upset, I didn't scream and yell, but it was one of those things where you could just tell that I was really upset about this. I couldn't talk to anybody anymore. I was like, how could you spend $700 on fireworks?

Bobbi Rebell:
Right, and to put that in context too, you do disclose some of your budgeting and your expenses online, but give us a high level, what would $700 buy in the Fearon household in a typical month?

Jessi Fearon:
That would have bought groceries for about three months at that time, because it was just the two of us. So that would have bought groceries for about three months. That would have paid the one car payment that we had for two months. It would have definitely covered utilities probably for about six months, at the time. And it was in fact our rent money. So it was quite the expense. It definitely was not planned. I really did not think my husband was going to spend that much money. To say that my husband's a pyro is a little bit of an understatement. He likes to blow stuff up.

Bobbi Rebell:
So what happened next? You have this talk.

Jessi Fearon:
Yes. So the next morning, I remember I was still so mad. I could not believe it. And the thing is, that you can't return fireworks. It's a nonrefundable sale. So, it's not like we could take back any fireworks, because I mean, again, my husband bought so many fireworks, we couldn't even shoot them all off that one night. We had to shoot them off on Labor Day and then on New Year's Day, because there were so many still left. I remember we were cleaning up from the party and we were putting all the fireworks that were left over in the garage. I remember, I was so, so mad, and I kept thinking like, I just wanna scream, I just want to yell. But then the more and more I thought about it, I thought, okay, if I just scream and yell we're not going to get anywhere in this conversation. So why don't I just kind of calm down and take my emotions out of it, and talk to him about this, because I really need to know why he would spend $700. I was raised in a very frugal household, and you don't spend $700 on fireworks. Only people with yachts spend $700 on fireworks. Why would you do this? And so I remember I just kind of turned around to my husband and I was like, "this was a lot of fireworks". And he goes, "it kind of is, isn't it"? "I went a little overboard, didn't I"? And I was like, "yeah honey, you went a little overboard". "So you want to tell me about this because this was a lot of money you spent". This is the first time that I really got to see how, because I'm a saver, my husband's a spender. And so this is first time I got to see how kind of a spender, for him anyways, rationalized his purchase. And it was because of that really awesome sale they were having. They were having to buy two, get two free. And so he just kept buying stuff. And he said, "I didn't even pay attention when I checked out how much it was". He said, it wasn't until we were halfway home that one of his buddies had asked how much did you spend? And they looked at the receipt, and his buddy was like, "dude, you seriously spent $700 on fireworks". And my husband couldn't believe it. He didn't even think it was going to be that much money because he thought he was saving a whole bunch of money. So for us this was the first real money conversation that we actually had as a married couple. We had been married for almost a year. Our anniversary is July 24th. And so we had been married for almost a year at this point, and this is the first time that we really sat down and talked about money, because even though we knew one day we wanted to have kids, or one day we wanted to buy a house, we had no plans for any of that. And so, this situation kind of pushed us into actually having to sit down and have a conversation about money, and we started realizing, okay, if we don't come together and be a team on this, there's going to be more and more $700 expenses on random stuff that isn't important, because he certainly wasn't the only one spending money. He just happened to spend a lot of money at one time, versus where, our day to day lives, we were spending little increments of money here and there, without thinking about it. And I think that it really for us kind of showed us that it compounded on itself to this one big $700 purchase where we went into it with no plan to attack at all. So it was quite the interesting thing. And I forgave my husband, obviously, we've been married now for nine years. So I forgave him, and it's kind of become our epic story for our family, about my husband's $700 expense.

Bobbi Rebell:
So looking back, I guess it's about eight years later. What is the lesson for our listeners?

Jessi Fearon:
One, if you are married to a spender, always remember to give a grace, because a lot of times spenders don't recognize that they're spending so much money, because they believe that they're saving money because of the sale. And a lot times spenders are really good at finding the bargains. They really are great at that. And just like spenders always get upset with the saver, when they want to save a bunch of money and not spend it. And so for us it came down to finding that balancing act between being a saver and a spender, and having the honest money conversation where we decided together, okay, how much are we going to spend, how much are we going to save? What is the best of both worlds? And it came down to us writing down what our financial goals were, which was saving for a house, paying off debt, and saving an emergency fund. And all of that. So we were able to put those into the budget, but then we were also able to put in spending money for my husband to go and spend money because he still buys fireworks every 4th of July. And he still spends more than probably what most people would. But now it's a planned thing, and he just gets to carry cash. He has to leave the debit card at home, so he can't go crazy in the firework store anymore.

Bobbi Rebell:
So how much cash is he getting this year in 2018?

Jessi Fearon:
Like I said, it's still more than normal, what most people would spend, but it's $150 that he gets to buy whatever fireworks he wants. So then he can go blow them up all that he wants to.

Bobbi Rebell:
All right. Let's talk about your money tip, because you've gone over budget with things as well. Especially one of your pleasures, which is reading.

Jessi Fearon:
Yes. Oh my goodness. Yes. And like I said, my husband's definitely not the only one that's at fault. I had spent well over $250 in one year on Amazon buying books. And I kind of didn't even realize it because I think Prime makes it so easy. And so does Kindle, where your just buying books, and you see the deals, and you're like, oh my gosh, I wanted to read that book. So let me get that one. Oh, Amazon suggests this book. Okay. I like that one.

Bobbi Rebell:
But you were actually reading the books?

Jessi Fearon:
Yes.

Bobbi Rebell:
Because sometimes people buy and they don't read.

Jessi Fearon:
No, I was definitely reading them, because I love, love to read. I read on average of about four book a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. But I just love to read. And here I was just buying all these books and reading, and reading, and getting excited about it. And then when I finally, I usually do, my husband and I will sit down every year and we kind of do a big annual spending review, where we literally look at how much we spent in every single category. And what we spent it on. And when I kinda sat down and realized just how much I had spent in one year on books, I was like, oh. This is my fireworks story, isn't it? I'm like, okay. we got to do something, and so I rediscovered the library. And that has kept me in check this past year so far. So it's been wonderful. I've been able to feed my guilty pleasure without a completely wrecking our budget this time.

Bobbi Rebell:
Love it. All right. Tell us more about what you are up to. I know you've got some new courses on tap.

Jessi Fearon:
Yes. Right now I have a free five day money challenge. All about things that you can do for the next five days. It's only about 10 minutes, 10 minutes or less a day that you can do right now. These steps that will help you to be able to start managing your money better. It will get you started on the right path to taking control over your money, and to stop letting money control you, and start putting you at the helm of your finances.

Bobbi Rebell:
Excellent. And where can people find out more about you and your blog?

Jessi Fearon:
They can find me at jessifearon.com, and on Instagram, twitter, and Facebook at Jesse Fearon. I'm constantly on Instagram trying to just share all the little snippets of our real life and all of its imperfect details. Everything for my husband working his side hustle here recently to buy a new boat motor, and our [inaudible 00:12:03] vacation that we go on for the cheap.

Bobbi Rebell:
Awesome. Well, thank you so much and have a great 4th of July.

Jessi Fearon:
Well, thank you Bobbi. You too.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay everyone, one thing that Jessi said really resonated when she talked about how a saver, like herself, can better understand a spender, and it has to do with the mindset of the spenders. Financial grownup tip number one. Jessi says, if you're married or in a relationship to a spender, always remember, give them grace. Many spenders are well intentioned, and go off track thinking in that moment when they're making the buying decision, that they're saving money. Seeing a two for one sale sets off a feeling of excitement. So many of us have fallen into buying more of an item than we intended because of the way the seller has priced it. They're smart, they know what they're doing. It sometimes is a better deal. In fact, never once did Jessi criticize the fact that the per firework price of what her husband bought wasn't a deal. He may have gotten good value. He just spent too much. She gets it. And I love her empathy and understanding. By figuring out the mindset of her husband, she was able to steer him on a healthier path and give him the tools. Okay, and also she gave him restricted cash on a budget this year, to resist the next great deal, rather than just screaming at him that he blew the budget.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial grownup tip number two. Jessi also talks about the fact that this was the very first time the two of them had really sat down and intentionally talked about money. They didn't have kids yet, but they were newlyweds and they had no plan. So if you're in a relationship that involves shared financial resources, maybe have a little chat. If you are not already, please hit that subscribe button, and if you are listening on Apple Podcast or iTunes, please rate the podcast and leave a review. They really matter. Also, if you like the show, just tell a friend to check us out as well. And thanks to Jessi for giving us such a great Independence Day story. Let's all go out and celebrate with our friends and family. Maybe take Jessi's advice, and read a good book. Libraries are great. Also though, it's also nice to buy books on occasion, because we want to support our authors and value what they contribute as well. Authors need to make a living. So, it's a balance. Be sure to check out Real Life on a Budget and Jessi's great free course. I will leave links to both in the show notes. And thank you Jessi for helping us all get one step closer to being Financial Grownups. Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell is edited and produced by Steve Stewart, and is a BRK Media production.

Christie Brinkley, Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar and Inspired Money's Andrew Wang
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Investment advisor Andy Wang, host of the Inspired Money podcast, stepped out of his comfort zone, tried something that scared him, and connected with new clients and friends including celebrities like Christie Brinkley. 

In Andy’s money story you will learn:

-How Andy balances his hobbies with his growing business and podcast

-The strategy Andy uses to overcome his fear of trying new things

-Why he originally stopped guitar lessons after just 4 sessions- and what brought him back to music

-What is Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar?

-The big call he got from Christie Brinkley’s team

In Andy’s money lesson you will learn:

-How having a hobby that opens him up to new experiences grows his social and business circle

-Why he believes the most successful people are those who force themselves out of their comfort zones

-The quote from Tina Fey that inspires Andy

In Andy’s everyday money tip you will learn:

-How to recover from mistakes

-Specifically what to do if you own a stock that is not performing- and most importantly what to do next if you still believe in the stock

-How to keep up with your investments and automate them so you can be free to do other things

In my take you will learn:

-tips for things you can automate in addition to bill paying and investing

-how to get more sleep, to be more productive in business

-the importance of letting clients see you outside of transactional and business settings in order to build longer and stronger relationships

 

If you want to win a promotional video for you or your business- remember to share them when you see them on social media!

 

And if you have a money story and every day money tip you would like to share- write us at info@financialgrownup.com

 and you could be featured on an upcoming episode of the podcast!

Episode Links

Learn about Andy’s company at http://www.runnymede.com/

Listen to his podcast at http://blog.runnymede.com/topic/podcast

On Facebook https://www.facebook.com/runnymedecap/

Follow Andy

Twitter @RunnymedeCap

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/taropatch

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/inspiredmoney.fm/

 

 

 


Transcription

Andy Wang:
One day, I was driving to work and my phone rang. I answered, and the person said, "This is Christie Brinkley's office calling. Are you available to play a private event?" So long story short, I played a small, intimate event for Christie and about 10 of her friends and family. It was a crazy night.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Financial Grownup with me, Certified Financial Planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How to Be a Financial Grownup. But you know what? Being a grownup is really hard, especially when it comes to money. But it's okay, we're going to get there together. I'm going to bring you one money story from a financial grownup, one lesson, and then, my take on how you can make it your own. We got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Hey, friends. So I don't know about you, but I'm pretty happy just kind of staying in my comfort zone. But let's be real: It gets boring and staying still is also not usually a really good business plan or career advancement strategy. So we're all in for a year with this guest coming up. But first, a quick welcome to anyone new that is joining us for the first time. You're going to notice the episodes are relatively short, especially compared to other money, business, entrepreneur-focused shows out there. It's done very much on purpose. We're going for about 15 minutes, give or take. The idea is that, you can listen between things, when you have a sliver of free time, and walk away feeling like you learned something of value, and hopefully, smiled a bit, too. But we also know, a lot of our listeners like to binge on a few episodes at a time, so if you're commuting or running errands or something that takes a little bit longer, you can listen to two, three, four episodes and get an hour of content. So we just want to be flexible and work with you. And of course, welcome back to our regular listeners. Thank you. If you have not hit Subscribe, please do so, so you don't miss any upcoming episodes, and there are some really amazing ones coming up. So I'm exciting to share them with all of you.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay, now to Andrew Wang. He's an Investment Advisor at Runnymede Capital. But you may know him as the host of the Inspired Money Podcast, or he may have been the entertainment at a party you went to. Really. Listen. Here is Andy Wang.

Bobbi Rebell:
Andy Wang, you are a Financial Grownup. Welcome to the podcast.

Andy Wang:
Thank you so much, Bobbi. I can't believe that I'm here.

Bobbi Rebell:
Finally. I know, I've been trying to get you on for a while. You're very busy, you're the host of the Inspired Money Podcast. You also have your own company, Runnymede Capital Management, the only, thank you very much. And you are acclaimed as an advisor and an influencer, so much so, that you are on the Investopedia 100 Most Influential Advisors. So this is an honor, Andy.

Andy Wang:
The honor is mine. I'm still trying to convince all of my coworkers that when I'm on Facebook, that I'm working.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're always working, Andy, even when you're having fun, and even when you're doing your hobbies, one of which involves getting over your fears, learning new skills, and even meeting some celebrities. Tell us your money story.

Andy Wang:
Yeah. It goes back through, you and I have talked about this before, "How can we do so many things?" We all have to-do lists that are a mile long. It's important for us to find and make time for family, hobbies, and to decompress. So my Financial Grownup story is about doing something that scares you. It takes me back to when I was in high school. Remember the days when there were music videos on MTV?

Bobbi Rebell:
I do.

Andy Wang:
I always wanted to learn guitar, so the summer after graduation, I mentioned this to my dad. And without hesitation, he replied, "Well, go for it. Don't just think about it." So that was great advice. I took four lessons, and I never aspired to play in front of everybody. I had the worst stage fright. If I had to perform in front of a group, my hands got clammy, they shook. I literally got a stomachache. So years later, because my wife was born and raised in Hawaii, and over many trips back there, I fell in love with Hawaiian music and the Hawaiian culture. So there just aren't that many people in the New York Area who play Hawaiian slack key guitar.

Bobbi Rebell:
What is Hawaiian slack key guitar? Just so we know.

Andy Wang:
Hawaiian slack key guitar is a folk tradition that was born in Hawaii in the late 1800s. The legend is this: The locals didn't know how to tune the guitars, so they slacked or loosened the strings to suit their vocal range and their music. So I slacked my guitar strings, and I would get invited to play at weddings, parties, corporate events. And I had to get over my fear.

Bobbi Rebell:
So you got over your fear, and you started playing. And what's interesting is, this led to a bunch of different things. It led to celebrities, it led to new business. Tell us more.

Andy Wang:
Yeah. One day, I was driving to work and my phone rang. Even though I didn't recognize the number, I answered, and the person said, "This is Christie Brinkley's office calling. Are you available to play a private event?" So long story short, I played a small, intimate event for Christie and about 10 of her friends and family. She invited me to join them for dinner afterwards. She's just a super, super-nice person. It was a crazy night. The financial takeaway, I think is this: Our personal networks and connections that we make to people, that benefits our business, or benefits the work that I do. And when people can see me out of context: not wearing a tie, not being in my office, they see me wearing an aloha shirt, playing guitar with my family, it enables me to make those human connections, and meet all kinds of interesting people. After all, music is a language.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it's not about business that day. It's about starting the relationships that eventually, some of them, or maybe friends of theirs, or acquaintance of theirs, become your clients, in a very holistic way.

Andy Wang:
That's exactly right. It's about making friends. And just meeting people, and making those connections.

Bobbi Rebell:
And tell us, for our listeners, what is the takeaway for them? How can they apply this to their own lives, and to their own finances?

Andy Wang:
Well, my avocation has taught me that we can live richer lives by forcing ourselves past our comfort zones. Whether it's learning an instrument, starting a podcast, investing your 401(k), sometimes it's as simple as just opening up and reviewing your financial statements. I mean, we always hear the stories that, in a bear market, people don't want to even look at their financial statement. So pushing yourself to do things that scares you can really lead to magic happening. Tina Fey has a quote that I love, and it's, "The fun is always on the other side of yes." Surveys of millionaires support this, too, because there's a common characteristic that millionaires share. And that's having an openness to take on new experience and try new things. If your boss asks you to take on a new project or to lead a team, the answer should be, "Yes."

Bobbi Rebell:
Do you think that people that try new things, I'm kind of stating the obvious. But I guess, why is it that people who try new things are, in your mind, more successful?

Andy Wang:
Having a willingness to try new things, it's like, they say, "Fake it until you make it." You have to be open to new opportunities. Sometimes, these are opportunities that you would even imagine yourself doing. But by saying yes and to committing to it, that's how you're going to learn. I mean, that's how we all learn.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay. But let's go to your everyday money tip, because it's kind of the reverse of commitment, and committing to your ideas. It's also kind of being okay taking a more, I don't know, kind of stepping back a little and being okay with being, maybe wrong sometimes?

Andy Wang:
Yes. My money tip: We all make mistakes, and when you're investing, my money tip is to cut your losses. I took this simple rule from a successful hedge fund manager. Too often, people let losers ride, in hope that they'll come back. We all have those dogs in our portfolio. And the reality is that, losses have a tendency to grow. It's almost like a disease or cancer in our portfolios. So if you really life something and want to be a long-term owner, be willing to enter, exit, and re-enter again if necessary. The fund manager who taught me this, he's willing to buy and sell a position, five, six, seven times. So if you cut losses, let the winners ride, you'll set yourself up for long-term gains, and lessen your term pain.

Bobbi Rebell:
So just to pull something out of there. So what you're saying is, if you still believe in a stock and it's going down, that doesn't mean you have to ride it to the very bottom. You could sell it, take some loss, and then re-buy it at a lower level. It doesn't mean you don't still believe in the company necessarily, you're just not okay with the price, where it's going in the short term. Is that where you're getting at?

Andy Wang:
Correct. The whole idea is that, if you pick a company that you love, you may not know the precise timing that's going to make sense, like, the optimal time to buy it. So you have to be willing to buy it, but then, set a limit, so that, if it goes down and it's not working in your favor, that you have to be willing to cut it. And you may come back and re-purchase that stock, but you just, you want to eliminate the potential for losses to grow into bigger losses. And then, you're stuck, because you're kind of handcuffed, because then you're not sure: Should you wait, or should you not?

Bobbi Rebell:
And specifically, what are some tactics that people can use to actually do this?

Andy Wang:
Well, my advice is that, people should pay like, pick a number. Pick a number that you're willing to stomach. Sometimes, that could be, if it goes down 5 percent, if it goes down 10 percent, and then, in your brokerage account, you could set up a stop loss order to automatically trigger if the stock hits that level.

Bobbi Rebell:
In order words, you're automating it and taking the emotion out of it.

Andy Wang:
That's correct. You can set it up so that this could be happening while you're taking a nap somewhere, or even if you're on the beach: If the stock goes down 5 percent, 10 percent, whatever your limit is, you're controlling the amount of loss that you're willing to let that get to.

Bobbi Rebell:
All right. Thank you so much, Andy. So tell us more about what's going on at Inspired Money. Tell us about, we haven't actually talked much about it, because the title is actually very meaningful to what you talk about.

Andy Wang:
Yeah, someone told me recently that money is not something that they associated with inspiration. So on the Inspired Money Podcast, we really try to explore money conversations with successful people on how to be more purposeful, more intentional, and make your money more meaningful. And I'm having a lot of fun with it, because I'm talking to such a diverse group of people, ranging from entrepreneurs to those in non-profit. I've talked to actors, I've talked to screenwriters, musicians. I mean, we all have to live and deal with money.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, I'm waiting for the Christie Brinkley episode, so that'll be one to watch. Right?

Andy Wang:
My fingers and toes are crossed, Bobbi.

Bobbi Rebell:
All right. Tell us where everyone can find you.

Andy Wang:
And thanks so much. Listeners can find me at Runnymede.com or @RunnymedeCap on Twitter. That's R-U-N-N-Y-M-E-D-E. We help people to plan for retirement, protect and grow their investments. We also help business owners to set up and manage their company 401(k) plans. And then, for Inspired Money, you can find me at InspiredMoney.fm, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Bobbi Rebell:
Love it. Thank you so much, Andy. I really appreciate you coming on.

Andy Wang:
Thank you, Bobbi.

Bobbi Rebell:
Love that advice from Andy, my friends: Take the emotion out. So let's talk about that. Financial Grownup Tip number 1: We automate lots of things, just like Andy suggested. Stock sales is one example. Paying bills is another thing. But it's just good to automate things that we don't always make rational decisions about. So in addition to stocks and bill paying and those kind of things that we think about automating, I'm going to go to something that is non-financial, but that does have financial consequences if we don't pay attention to it. And that is sleep, and getting a good night's sleep. You know what we can all do, to get a better good night's sleep? Set a sleep timer on your media. It can be the television and yes, you can put your phone or your computer on a timer as well, to go into sleep mode. In fact, there's tons of apps to even measure the quality of your sleep.

Bobbi Rebell:
But I think the most important thing is to not be actively using the actual devices. And sometimes, it's really hard to do that. So set a sleep time. Think about how many nights we intend to watch just one TV show, one half-an-hour TV show, and you know they all go rolling right into the next show. So it's really hard to do that. Or we say we're going to check our social media for a limited time, and then, you look up at the clock, if you even do look up at the clock. And then, "Oh, my gosh, it's past midnight." So let's automate that, so that it goes off. And try to not turn it back on when it goes off, kind of like the snooze alarm in the morning. Just, when it goes off, let it go off. We know that if we get more and better-quality sleep, we're going to function better. We're going to perform better at work, at our jobs, with our businesses. And in the end, that will result in a better chance at hiring profits and more success. So let's do it.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup Tip number 2: Andy quoted Tina Fey as saying, "The fun, it's always on the other side of yes." And I would add, "The profit is on the other side of yes." Come from a place of "Yes." Don't forget to have fun. Keep an eye, though, on where the profit can be. If you say "No," there is zero chance of fun and zero chance of profit. Andy not only has a great side hustle from this skill playing Hawaiian slack key guitar, go Google it. After this is over, you can learn even more. He meets celebrities like Christie Brinkley, one-on-one. Super fun. And to be sure, he gets new business in an authentic way that bonds him to clients and makes them more likely to stay with him long-term, because they see what a great guy he is. They see him in a different context from just meeting him behind a desk in the office or through phone calls, or through other ways of communication, emails and all that stuff.

Bobbi Rebell:
All right, love hearing from all of you. Keep sharing our promo videos on social media for a chance to win one for your business, or just for you. And please rate and review Financial Grownup on Apple Podcasts, and of course, hit the Subscribe button, to make sure you don't meet any upcoming episodes. And tell your friends if you like it. We really love that the show is growing, and want to keep it that way. So make sure to tell everyone that you think would enjoy Financial Grownup. You can follow me @BobbiRebell on Twitter. Instagram, BobbiRebell1. Facebook, I am at Bobbi Rebell. And of course, you can also go to my website, BobbiRebell.com/financialgrownuppodcast, and sign up for our newsletter.

Bobbi Rebell:
Andy is a true Financial Grownup, blending all that he loves together: family, friends, music, and his business. He is a great role model, so thank you, Andy for bringing us all one step closer to being Financial Grownups.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell is edited and produced by Steve Stewart, and is a BRK Media Production.

To Give or to Lend with Her Money Matters Jen Hemphill
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Jen Hemphill and her husband believe in supporting family, but when the author of Her Money Matters, and the host of the podcast of the same name, was asked to lend money to a relative, she realized it would come at a cost to her own financial well being. 

In Jen’s money story you will learn:

-How she and her husband have different approaches to helping family financially

-The role emotions play in decisions about lending and/or giving to family

-The impact Jen’s upbringing and her parents attitudes towards money played in her approach to lending and gifting money to family

-How communication issues can impact financial decisions

In Jen’s money lesson you will learn:

-Jen’s advice in how to respond when family needs financial help

-How you can prepare to be able to help family when it is needed

-How to stay on track with your own goals, even if family needs help

-Why Jen feels it is always better to gift than to lend to family

In Jen’s money tip you will learn:

-The specific strategy she uses to separate funds and save for goals

-How she applies her strategy of separate funds when it comes to every day savings at places like the grocery store

-How to use apps to facilitate using her strategy to save money

In my take you will learn:

-What to keep in mind when friends and relatives ask you for help

-Strategies to have money available for that purpose

-How to say no when helping financially is not in your budget

 

EPISODE LINKS

Get Jen’s new book!

Her Money Matters: The missing truth from traditional money advice

Follow Jen!

Twitter: @jenhemphilll

IG: @jenhemphill

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.hemphill

 


Transcription

Bobbi Rebell:
Support for Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell and the following message come from Transferwise, the cheaper way to send money abroad, built by the brand behind Skype. Transferwise takes a machete to the hefty fees that come with sending money abroad. Don't get sting by a bad exchange rate, or sneaky fees, join the two billion people who are already saving with Transferwise. Test it out for free at transferwise.come/podcast, or download the app. It is the wise way to send money.

Jen Hemphill:
We lent him the money, or actually gave him the money, and never saw it back. We had debt. We had things that we needed to pay for, things that we needed to purchase, and it also diminished our abilities to have that extra money to pay the debt that we had. Right? It was a very conflicting time.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Financial Grownup with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How To Be A Financial Grownup. You know what? Being a grownup is really hard, especially when it comes to money, but it's okay, we're going to get there together. I'm going to bring you one money story from a financial grownup one lesson, and then my take on how you can make it your own. We got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Hey, friends. Thanks for joining us for this addition of the Financial Grownup Podcast. Before we get to our amazing guest, I am getting great feedback from all of you about these video promotions that we have been running to support the show, and you're asking me a bunch of questions, so I'm going to answer a few of them here. The first question everyone is asking me is, who is making them for me, who did I hire? I didn't hire anyone, I'm doing them myself. As you guys know, I love to learn new things, different technology, different programs, so I taught myself how to do them, and I'm having a great time.

Bobbi Rebell:
Second question, I keep being asked is, where can I get them made for myself? Well, I am not going to go into the video promotion business, I'm just going to be doing it for Financial Grownup, at least for now, never say never. But in answer to the request, I am going to run a fun contest. For the next month or so, until early July. The first week in July, let's say, we are going to have a competition, where if you see the video promotions for Financial Grownup on social media share them, and whoever shares the most by the first week in July, I will make a video promotion for you. It can be for your business, it can be for an event that's coming up, it can just be for you, it can be a birthday message for a friend, or for your child. Whatever it is, anything reasonable we will make a fun video, and that will be my gift to you guys.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay. Onto our guest, Jen Hemphill. She is the host of the podcast, Her Money Matters, and the author of a new book by the same name. She is a big believer in helping family, but as a money expert she's also aware that sometimes those asked to give money may not really be in the best position themselves to be the ones giving. What do you do? Here is Her Money Matters, Jen Hemphill ... Jen Hemphill, you are a financial grownup. Welcome to the podcast.

Jen Hemphill:
Thank you so much for having me, Bobbi. I'm excited to be here.

Bobbi Rebell:
I'm excited to hear more about your new book, Her Money Matters, which of course same title as your amazing podcast. Tell us just briefly about it, and we'll talk more about it after your story.

Jen Hemphill:
Sure. Basically, the whole premise of the book is to give more of a holistic approach to personal finance. It's not a book that's going to tell you how to budget, how to get out of debt, but really it's about the missing pieces that a lot of people don't talk about, because all we hear about save more, spend less, and get out of debt, but there's the emotional component of money that I dig a lot into, as well. It's really more the missing pieces, that is really not talked about, in general.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay. I want to get to your money story, because it has to do a lot with emotion, and the feelings behind when you gift, or lend money to friends, and family, because they can be sometimes the same things, sometimes lending becomes a gift, and you and your husband have very different approaches to it. Tell us about the first time this came up.

Jen Hemphill:
Well, the first time this came up was when we were first married, so this was almost, we'll be married almost 18 years, so this was-

Bobbi Rebell:
Congratulations.

Jen Hemphill:
Our first, oh, thank you. This was our first year in our marriage. We're a military family, we were stationed in Clovis Air Force Base in New Mexico.

Bobbi Rebell:
Wow.

Jen Hemphill:
First year married, we were really still trying to get to know each other, all the newlywed stuff. He got a call from my brother-in-law, and he, my brother-in-law apparently had hit a financial hiccup, and he reached out to his brother for help. Now, I grew up in a household that was very giving. My parents literally grew up in Columbia, and they always helped people. There was always people that would stay at our home, with their family, or some friends. My parents were always givers, even when they didn't have to give. Right?

Bobbi Rebell:
Right.

Jen Hemphill:
I saw that a lot growing up. I knew the financial struggles that they dealt with.

Bobbi Rebell:
We're they dealing with financial struggles because they gave more than they could afford?

Jen Hemphill:
I don't think it was that-

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay.

Jen Hemphill:
That might have been a component, but not all of the components. Right? But it was partial, because I saw them giving, and giving, but they were still trying to get their money stuff together. Right? I saw a lot of that. When I met my husband, one of the things that I love about him is his big heart. He is definitely a giver. He's also a spender.

Bobbi Rebell:
Are you the saver to a spender, by the way?

Jen Hemphill:
Yeah. I'm also a saver.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay.

Jen Hemphill:
When my brother-in-law reached out to him, we had the conversation, granted again, we were newlyweds. We were trying to figure this thing out, and I can't remember the exact $1.00 amount, but it was more than $500.00.

Bobbi Rebell:
Do you know what kind of situation it was? Was it like a medical operation? Was it a business situation?

Jen Hemphill:
It was behind on bills, collections. Those type of things.

Bobbi Rebell:
Your husband wanted to give him a loan, not a gift a loan?

Jen Hemphill:
Well, he told me a loan, but I knew him.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay.

Jen Hemphill:
He's a giver. He's not going to expect it back. Where I was more, in my mind, a lender. If you're asking us to lend you money, I'm like, “Okay. You're going to pay us back.” We had debt. We had things that we needed to pay for. Things that we needed to purchase. Literally, at that time we just had our checking account, and our savings account and literally whatever savings went into our savings account, so it was the emergency account, it was when we overspent, it was for big purchases, so everything that was needed that wasn't in our checking account came from the emergency fund. It literally got depleted fast, and it also diminished our abilities to have that extra money to pay the debt that we had. Right? It was a very conflicting time. We had this conversation-

Bobbi Rebell:
[crosstalk 00:07:19]-

Jen Hemphill:
We lent him the money, or actually gave him the money, and then never saw it back.

Bobbi Rebell:
Right. The communication to him, was it, “We are lending you this money,” and he didn't pay it back, or was it, “We are gifting you this money.”

Jen Hemphill:
That's a good question.

Bobbi Rebell:
Good luck with it.

Jen Hemphill:
Because my husband had that conversation with him.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay. We can't really blame your brother-in-law, because for all we know he was told it was a gift, to be fair.

Jen Hemphill:
Right.

Bobbi Rebell:
What is the lesson, now, 18 years later, you guys happily still together, what is the lesson for our listeners? How would that go now? Would you put your foot down more? What would happen now? What do you think listeners should do? Should they be in a similar situation?

Jen Hemphill:
What we've done is, we included this in our budget, so we set some money aside in a different account, and whenever a family member needs help, we just look at what's in that account, so that way it doesn't really disrupt what we're trying to do financially, and the goals that we're trying to achieve. There's a designated amount that goes in there every month, and currently has just been to help grand mom with some bills, and that's what we work with.

Bobbi Rebell:
It sounds like you've basically come to terms with you're just going to gift it.

Jen Hemphill:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
None of this lending to family, it doesn't work for you.

Jen Hemphill:
Yes, because then emotionally that's either get upset, “Oh, my gosh, we said we were going to lend it, we never got it back,” so I've learned and grownup.

Bobbi Rebell:
All right.

Jen Hemphill:
Over the years to really, when it comes to family, and friends, and when it deals with money, it's just a gift.

Bobbi Rebell:
But your money tip, your every day money tip is also about separating out funds, that seems to be a common theme for you-

Jen Hemphill:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
You want to talk about what you do at the grocery store, and how you can use apps for this.

Jen Hemphill:
Yeah. Basically, my money tip is, what we tend to do, let's say we're at the grocery store, and maybe we have some coupons, always strike up a sale, and we're winning. We celebrate, “Yes. I've saved X amount this trip,” but what's important here is, yes, we can celebrate the $20.00, or $10.00, whatever that amount is that we saved, but what are we going to do with that money? Because we're missing out if we're just celebrating it, that we saved that money, but we're not doing anything with it.

Jen Hemphill:
Literally, we have the bank up on our phone. Right? And with so many people having smart phones, you can download your bank app, and whatever that amount of money that you save, transfer it to your savings, or transfer it to pay off some debt. Whatever you deem is best in your situation. But doing that versus just leaving it in there, you know it disappears. That money doesn't have a job, if you will, it just disappears. We've seen it time and again. I know I've experienced it, I'm sure you Bobbi have experienced it yourself.

Bobbi Rebell:
Absolutely. All right. Let's talk more about your book. I'm so excited for you.

Jen Hemphill:
The book, oh, my goodness. The subtitle of the book is, The Missing Truths From Traditional Money Advice, so when we think of traditional money advice, we think about, we really hear, “Save more, spend less, and get out of debt,” but I know from my own experience, I had the financial books, I've read those financial books, I applied what the experts told me, and I was still finding myself stuck. In the book, I really share the lessons that I learned, and what I found out that really kept me stuck after doing all the things right.

Bobbi Rebell:
Awesome. Where can people find you?

Jen Hemphill:
Thank you. You can find all about me at jenhemphill.com. You can find the book there, or you can just go on Amazon, and just type in, Her Money Matters. It also has a companion workbook, because-

Bobbi Rebell:
I love that.

Jen Hemphill:
My audience wanted worksheets, and so they ask, I provide. Each chapter has some questions, some worksheets for you to work with, because essentially I want that to be your cheat sheet. If you're feeling stuck, go back to that work, and go back to that workbook, if you buy the workbook, and refer to that, because that's going to help you get out of that funk that you're feeling.

Bobbi Rebell:
I love that balance between emotional and then very specific practical tools. It's great. Thank you, Jen.

Jen Hemphill:
Thank you, Bobbi.

Bobbi Rebell:
Jen's story was a reminder that family really can be everything, however you define family. We should bend over backwards to help out the people that we care about in our lives. In Jen's case even though her brother-in-law did not pay back that loan, as time went on the asks for financial help from family did go down.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup tip, number one, remember it's hard for people to ask you for help, so factor that in when deciding what to do when someone comes to you asking for help. If you are able to help them with their financial troubles, it's usually a better idea to just give them money. If you lend them money, it becomes yet another thing that they need to pay back in a very stressful time. Of course, it can also put stress on your relationship with them. They might avoid you. They might feel like you're judging them, if they buy something. It's better to just keep it clean, give them the money. You know what? Someday you may be in a position where you need their help, and they'll be there for you.

Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup tip, number two. Jen talked about compartmentalizing money. Setting funds aside in different accounts for different purposes. This can be a great way to deliberately save for certain things like a slush fund for relatives that need help. Another thing that I have found can make a lot of sense to do is to put a certain amount of money, or allocate a certain amount of money, maybe on an annual basis to support friends, charities, causes that they care about.

Bobbi Rebell:
That way when people ask for you to support whatever they're involved in, it might be a charity run, or some other fundraising effort, a benefit, you can take the money out of that fund, and if at some point in the year, I mean, you got to be real, here, the funds could run out, you can tell them, “Look, I've completed my giving for the year, but I will send a donation in January.” People understand. Your resources are not unlimited even if your heart is.

Bobbi Rebell:
If you have not hit the subscribe button, please do so that way you won't miss any upcoming episodes of Financial Grownup, and of course you score extra bonus points with us if you rate and review the show. That way other people can learn about it, and be part of our community. Our first listener episode is coming up in June, if you want to be considered to be on an upcoming episode of Financial Grownup, email the money story, and the money tip that you would like to share to info@financialgrownup.com. We are going to see how it goes, and hopefully we'll be doing this once a month.

Bobbi Rebell:
A reminder, if you want to see the promo videos, they are sprinkled throughout our social media, and also we are putting them on our new YouTube channel, which is Financial Grownup, so you can easily just check them out there. You can also see our episodes there, you can listen to them I should say on YouTube as well. In social media, I am on Instagram, at Bobbi Rebell one, on Twitter at Bobbi Rebell, and on Facebook, Bobbi Rebell. Definitely DM me, give me feedback, let me know what you think about the show, let me know guests you want to see, and let me know which promo videos you like the best.

Bobbi Rebell:
Of course, speaking of the promo videos, as I said at the top of the show, if you want a promo video for yourself, share them, retweet them, repost them, and whoever does the most social sharing between now and the beginning, the first week of July, I'm going to make a promo video for you. Jen's story was a great one, all about doing our best for our family, and our friends, and the people that we care about in our lives, such an important topic, so thank you, Jen, for helping us get one step closer to being Financial Grownups ... Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell is edited, and produced by Steve Stewart, and is a BRK Media production.