Relationship money tips with Tailor-Made Budgets Ericka Young

 

Episode Description:

The title of this episode is Relationship money tips- and most people will read that as romantic relationships- and we do get to that. But equally important are the relationships we have with other members of our family including our children. Fellow new empty nester Ericka Young is living this and her money tips are pure gold. Ericka is the money coach behind Tailor-Made Budgets and the author of “Naked and Unashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have.” She has been married 24 years and is in the thick of it when it comes to launching her financial grownups. 

A little sneak peek into Ericka Young’s episode!

Timestamps & Main Points:

  • 00:00 - Introduction

  • 06:01 - Relationship Money Tip #1

  • 06:51 - Teaching kids about money as a concept vs teaching them to be a financial grownup

  • 07:18 - Slowly, give your kids' bases

  • 09:00 - Find commonality in your relationship

  • 11:42 - The misconception that what parents have is what their kids have

  • 13:56 - Relationship Money Tip #2

  • 14:58 - Relationship Money Tip #3


Ericka’s Bio:

Ericka Young is a speaker, financial coach, and best-selling author of “Naked and Unashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have.” During the 18 years, her firm Tailor-Made Budgets has been in business, Ericka has helped over 500 families crush debt so that they can design a vibrant and intentional life. Working up close and personal with her clients has given her a unique perspective on what it takes to win with money. Ericka believes that personal finance goes beyond the numbers. As a result, Ericka has developed creative ways to break down the mental and experience-based barriers to financial success. Today she brings this life-giving message to corporations, banking institutions, and college campuses so everyone has a path to true financial freedom.

 
 

Links to resources mentioned in the episode!

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Full Transcript:

Bobbi Rebell:

Hey, grown up friends. There is something I don't talk about publicly that I have decided to start sharing even though it can be a bit embarrassing. I get digital overload and it stresses me out for good reason because when you have so much junk on your computer because you're not as organized as you should be because you get caught up in all the things that you have to do. If you don't deal with it, all that stuff on your computer starts to really slow things down and can become a total drag on your productivity. For me, there is nothing worse than finally motivating to get stuff done, only to be derailed by a sluggish computer that is just not cooperating. A little while ago, I decided I was going to stop just kind of hoping that things would get better and I was going to deal with it. I downloaded something called CleanMyMac. It's from a company called MacPaw. I was skeptical, but I took a deep breath and I tried it. Long story short, it totally worked. I loved how I could see it work through my files with clear and easy-to-understand graphics. I could see what was messing things up. And CleanMyMac would ask me for my okay before deleting files so that something I did need to keep didn't go bye-bye. That was one of my biggest fears. I recently reached out to the company and they are offering 10% off to my Financial Grownup Listeners who want to also get CleanMyMac. To get that 10% of CleanMyMac, you do need to go to my link. It is bobbirebell.com/cleanmyMac, B-O-B-B-I-R-E-B-E-L-L-.com/cleanmymac. And that is all one word. I promise you, you'll be so happy. I want you guys to be in touch with me. Let me know how it goes. You deserve to lower the stress of data overload. Trust me. So worth it.

Ericka Young:

I think it's fair while you're dating to ask money questions and get those commitments around boundaries, and healthy habits, before you actually take the leap and do anything together as a team.

Bobbi Rebell:

You're listening to Money Tips for Financial Grownups with me, Certified Financial Planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of Launching Financial Grownups because you know what? Grown up life is really hard, but together we got this. The title of this episode is Relationship Money Tips, and most people are going to read that as romantic relationships and we're going to get to that. But equally important are the relationships that we have with other members of our family, including our children. Fellow new empty nester, Ericka Young is living this and her money tips are pure gold. Erica is the money coach behind Tailor-Made Budgets and the author of Naked and Ashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. She has been married for 24 years and is in the thick of it when it comes to launching her financial grownups. You're going to love this conversation. Here is my friend Ericka Young. Ericka Young, you are a financial grownup. I am so happy to have you on the podcast.

Ericka Young:

Yes, thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

Bobbi Rebell:
We were just bonding over the fact that we are both newly empty nesters. How has that been? Tell me where you are in your life.

Ericka Young:
Honestly, being an empty nester is a little strange. The word that I'm using is weird. I'm not necessarily super excited that my youngest has launched off and gone to college, but I'm also not sad. I don't have this guttural internal reaction that's sad or crying or any of that. It's just odd being able to be here and not having a younger person to sort of follow around and see what she's looking at on TikTok or make food for really like the extra stuff you got to do. I mean, I miss some of that, but we talk pretty much several times a week, so that part is still good.

Bobbi Rebell:
Absolutely. And so I ask you that because one of the things that we talk a lot about now on the podcast with my book Launching Financial Grownups, and by the way, you have your own book as well, which is Naked and Ashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. How do you feel about how prepared your two kids are for the world from a financial standpoint as a new empty nester having launched two kids?

Ericka Young:
Yeah, my oldest one just started her new job. She went away, so she's not in the state with us anymore and is working corporate, and so that was a little bit nerve-racking, but I'll be honest with you, we in college, there was a point where we sort of cut her off and what that means is we made her pay her rent, we made her pay her utilities. When she had her apartment, she had to handle that. We were not paying those bills physically. She had an account, the money got deposited, she handled it and she also worked.

And so she had that uncomfortable couple of months where she had to figure out what a budget meant, how much she actually had to spend on groceries. And I walked her through all of that. That was an odd yet necessary moment. So that and her handling $1000 was about what she was doing per month. Handling $1000 has prepared her to handle $4,000, let's say. And that stepping stone was really important. So I'm not saying that it's perfect, but I am saying that when she got her apartment, we just said, This is the time. You've got to work through this.

And it was uncomfortable for both of us because there was this back and forth a little bit. I also had a budget meeting. She became one of my financial clients, right, my coaching clients behind the scenes a couple of months ago when we went over her big girl budget and just that new income and all of the responsibilities that she had on her own, and wow. I mean, it was a bit eye-opening for me as a parent because we always thought, Oh, we know what's going on. We've prepared her appropriately. She has no debt, she's got a great career ahead of her. And it's a little bit like, Wow, okay, I really want her to flex these muscles without feeling the need to lean on us. And having to do that dance with her a bit was interesting, but she's taken it on and she's tracking her expenses and she's saving money and mama is proud. But it's a growth for the parent just as much as it is for the child for sure.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it brings to light the difference between teaching a child about money as a concept and teaching a child to be a financial grownup.

Ericka Young:
Yes. Absolutely.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's practical. It's real. I like the fact that even though she wasn't completely on her own in terms of where the money was coming from, you were giving her some money, which is perfectly fine, but it was on her to manage it and implement the kinds of decisions that you had talked about, but you were still there as a supporter.

Ericka Young:
That's right. That's right. I think it's really good to give people phases, give your kids phases when they're younger and they have a job, great, let them manage that a $100 or $300 per month or whatever it is. And then in college, give them a little bit more autonomy over that, especially since, I mean you don't want the ties. What we did in college was we gave our youngest and we gave our oldest money every month, a certain amount so that they weren't coming to us. Mom, I need 50 bucks, mom, I need this. No, no, no, no, you have this amount. You manage this amount. That forces them to think about how much they're spending.

And with my youngest, just recently, I had her add up all of the money that she spent in one month so she can see it for herself because I think people are not really aware of how much they're spending. They've got to face it. And so I think that was really eye-opening for her as well. She had no idea that she was really spending 400 bucks a month and for her to have that, it was eye-opening. It grounded her a bit because I think she said, Okay, so I really need to pay attention to some of this because this is not just a smaller sum of money. It's not just $100 bucks that's going out the door.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, it makes it real. Okay. I could talk to you forever about all of your amazing insights into raising financial grownups and launching them, but I had you on because especially with your book, I wanted to talk to you about relationship-oriented money tips for financial grownups. The first one, obviously tying to what you just talked about is when you're talking about kids, especially if you have a partner, if you have a co-parent, give me your tips in that area because sometimes when we're raising kids and when we get ready to launch them as financial grownups, we don't always agree on our approach to teaching kids about, our almost adult kids about money in the real world as they launch.

Ericka Young:
Yeah. Well here's the misconception. A lot of people, a lot of couples, and partners, they want to get on the same page with their money, which I believe is possible, but it is not what people think getting on the same page is all about. It is where you're finding commonality, where you find agreements so that you can move forward. My husband and I do not agree on everything. Matter of fact, there are a lot of things in our financial lives as we've grown. We've been married 24 years, Woo, long time. In that time there's been a lot that we've disagreed about. And so getting on the same page is not agreement in totality on everything. It is finding commonality, figuring out what your dreams are, and figuring out what you want. What do you see for your children? How do you envision helping them to launch off well?

And so where my husband and I agreed was that we really wanted to make certain that our kids had no debt when they graduated college. We wanted that to be the start that they had because that's not what we had. The methodology might have been different, right, or the day-to-day, how that played out might be different. Matter of fact, in a lot of these one-on-one conversations with my girls about their budgets and things, it's me. It's not the husband, it's me. Partially because I am the financial coach, but also my husband's not interested in those details. Right. And so I'm not going to force him to be a part of the details when that's not his strength or that's not what he's interested in. Right. So maybe it's the vision casting that you agree upon and find commonality on so that you can move forward successfully as you raise these kids.

Bobbi Rebell:
And that flows into the next tip that I want to bring up from you, which is focusing on telling your kids that your money is not their money, but in a gracious way. You don't want them to feel like they're just cut off and you're going to take it all away from them. There's an art to it.

Ericka Young:
Yeah. There is. It's funny because my daughter, when we got our backyard done, she was like, wait a minute, is this my college fund? I'm like, what? What are you talking about? This is our money. What we do here, how we make moves through life is a result of the work that we have done to get to this place, and our wealth, where we are, and our assets are what we earned. And if we decide and how we decide to give to you generational wealth is our choice, but it's not a today thing. Just because we are at a certain level doesn't mean that automatically catapults you and you can do whatever. We're not running around here with Louis Vuitton bags, you know what I mean?

And so I think the misconception is that what parents have is what their kids have and that they get a chance to start their life where you are. And I'm like, you've got to earn too. You have a responsibility to earn. And I think it's healthy to flex the muscle of growing your own wealth. Not to say that we won't give once we're gone or down the line, but the wealth that we have or what we have built is not going to be something that they get to embark upon immediately in the beginning of their adult careers.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, you also want them to have the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction to get to that level by themselves. I mean there is a feeling a lot of the time that young people, they move out of their parents' home and they feel they should have a place that's similar or they're not successful. And we have to let them know that no, when we were 22, 23, or whatever age you want to pick as the age of an emerging adult, we lived in a very not so nice place with five roommates or whatever it may be. I remember living in a ground floor back of the building studio. I remember being, Yeah, I did a Hampton's share, but there were 20 people in the house.

Ericka Young:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
I mean it was bananas. So understanding that at this life stage you may not be where your parents are, the current life stage that they're at is something that I think is important for parents to communicate. All right, let's go to another tip. We're going to back up now to pretend we're dating and this is something maybe we can also be teaching our children. I love this tip because I feel like you have so much to say about this. Make commitments before combining money. This is a warning to emerging adults who get so excited and want to share it all. Take a deep breath. Ericka, tell us.

Ericka Young:
Yes, I think it's important that we understand that relationships are great and our emotions can get involved and we have to slow down enough to figure out where we are really committed. So what I shared with my daughter and her relationship is to understand that you are growing in your career. This is the time for you to build and stand on your own two feet and make certain that you know who you are professionally and personally before you decide to combine any finances and all of that. And figure out what the commitments are between yourself, really like what is you want from yourself and your career as well as your partner. You're coupled up, you are emotionally there, but you need to have some money conversations and understand where you're committed in this relationship.

Do you see it going somewhere? Are we just having a good time? Are we beyond the friend phase? You know what I mean? That kind of thing. I don't want her moving in with someone and you're not clear on the financial responsibilities they have as well as you have. And are you down the path of marriage? I mean, I think it's fair while you're dating to ask money questions and get those commitments around boundaries, healthy habits before you actually take the leap and do anything together as a team.

Bobbi Rebell:
And this is so important when we're talking about money and relationships. The last tip on that note and this, you're coming towards a quarter century, 24 years of marriage, you are the champion. So this tip is so meaningful. Understand your partner will make mistakes with money. And I added, and you will too.

Ericka Young:
Absolutely. No one's perfect. We want the financial journey to be an easy straight path all the way up. Right. And there's going to be bumps in the road. There's going to be times where someone isn't making money. There's going to be times when we make a faux pa and we're not happy with it and all that. We have to just understand that we're human. That means that the journey isn't going to be perfect. And if we can come into knowing that conversation is going to have the grace necessary that you have to give to your partner in order to live together, to cohabitate and all of that good stuff, make decisions. Just we're flawed humans and embracing that for yourself and for your partner is really, really, really helpful. Don't expect perfection because you can't expect it from yourself.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah. It comes and everything to do with the relationship and definitely with money as well. We all make so many mistakes and we often try to hide them from our partners or we get angry with our partners when they make mistakes. And the best thing to do is just let it out, discuss it, own it, and move forward because it's going to happen. And that's just the way it is. And,

Ericka Young:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
Sometimes they get a traffic ticket that you had warn them they were going to get and you just are going to have to pay it people. Okay.

Ericka Young:
Listen, that was me. That's me. I'm the one with the traffic ticket. And the other thing is make sure you don't have secrets.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes.

Ericka Young:
I think it's important when we trip over ourselves and all of that just don't have secrets. I think because that will add to it, right? The financial mistake and then you didn't tell the truth about it and,

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh yeah.

Ericka Young:
That just is going to add even more drama to the situation too.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, I mean and just like examples, like I gave the example of a traffic ticket. It could be that maybe you were in charge of paying a bill and you messed up, you messed up, you didn't pay it for some reason. You just didn't set the auto thing or whatever. Or you forgot to cancel a subscription that you were going to cancel. There are all kinds of little everyday things that correct them of course, but just let them know. Let them know. We're all flawed and the way to a successful marriage like Ericka's is just not to keep secrets and to accept that you and your spouse will make mistakes and to just be honest about it. Because we all have our moments. Ericka, so your book is Naked and Unashamed:10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. We've given people just a sample of your incredible advice. I know you are a very high in demand speaker, especially these days as things start opening up, but you occasionally do have room on your calendar. Where can people get in touch with you and learn more about your offerings?

Ericka Young:
Yes, so you can find me on erickayoung.com. That's the website and you can see more about what I'm up to as well as on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, Ericka Young Official. You can find me there and connect with me.

Bobbi Rebell:
Thank you so much.

Ericka Young:
Yes, thank you.

Bobbi Rebell:
A big thank you to so many of you that have already bought my new book, Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life by Helping Your (Almost) Adult Kids Become Everyday Money Smart. This book was not easy to write because I had to get honest with myself about what was working with my teen and young adult kids and what was not working, and I also had to be prepared to share it with all of you. So first of all, thank you for your support and your wonderful responses to it. There are definitely some things in there that you may not have been expecting to hear. By the way, I got a lot of help from my money-expert friends and also financial therapists and parenting experts. I am really happy with how Launching Financial Grownups came out, even though it really was hard to be, like I said, that honest and it was a lot of work, but I really love doing it and I'm really happy with how it came out.

On that note, if you have not already, please pick up a copy of Launching Financial Grownups today. After you do, please share it on social media. Please leave a review on Amazon. Those reviews are super important because the algorithm picks up on them and that can make the book a lot more visible to more people, so I truly appreciate it and I really also appreciate all of your support. By the way, even though I stopped recording the podcast, our conversation continued for over an hour. Ericka is a wealth of information, pun intended there. I highly recommend you check out her content on her website. Her website, by the way, again, Ericka is spelled E-R-I-C-K-A, last name Y-O-U-N-G, and pick up a copy of her book, Naked and Ashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. And if you like Ericka and myself, have young adults in your life, in your family, whether they're your children or younger relatives or just young adults in your life, please pick up a copy of my newest book, Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life by Helping Your (Almost) Adult Kids Become Everyday Money Smart.

I can tell you there's no greater joy than seeing a young person figure something out and learn to do it on their own and have that feeling of satisfaction and knowing that you gifted them that rather than just in some cases like writing a check or just helping them get it done on their own. So much more meaningful. Okay, here is the big ask something both Ericka and I really, really need you to do. Please leave reviews for each of our books. It takes just a few minutes to do on Amazon or other places like Goodreads, just as good as well. That little bit of support really carries a lot of weight. You would be surprised.

And also if you do screenshot it, share it with us on social media so we can thank you so we know who you are. And at the same time, by doing that, you are helping other people get the knowledge in our books and growing our community, and just being helpful, which we appreciate so much. Sometimes it's just nice to be nice and we love that. On that note, the biggest thanks to the very nice Ericka Young of Tailor-Made Budgets for helping us all be financial grownups. Thanks everyone.

Money Tips for Financial Grownups is a production of BRK Media LLC. Editing and production by Steve Stewart, guest coordination, content creation, social media support, and show notes by Ashley Wall. You can find the podcast show notes, which include links to resources mentioned in the show, as well as show transcripts by going to my website, bobbirebell.com. You can also find an incredible library of hundreds of previous episodes to help you on your journey as a financial grownup. The podcast and tons of complimentary resources associated with the podcast are brought to you for free, but I need to have your support in return. Here's how you can do that. First, connect with me on social media @bobbirebell1 on Instagram and Bobbi Rebell on both Twitter and on Clubhouse, where you can join my Money Tips for Grownups Club. Second, share this podcast on social media and tag me so I can thank you.

You can also leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Reading each one means the world to me. And you know what? It really motivates others to subscribe. You can also support our shop grownupgear.com by picking up fun gifts for your grownup friends and treating yourself as well. And most of all, help your friends on their journey to being financial grownups by encouraging them to subscribe to the podcast. Together we got this. Thank you for your time and for the kind words so many of you send my way. See you next time. And thank you for supporting Money Tips for Financial grownups.

 
Bobbi Rebell Kaufman