Entrepreneur Kristy Gayton shares the money lessons she learned from her parents and how she found the middle ground in their very different mindsets. Plus how to get organized for 2021.

Kristy’s Money Story:

So, my money story is, you know, I was raised with not a lot of money. My parents were entrepreneurs. And when I say entrepreneurs, they weren't like what we think of entrepreneurs now. Like, “Oh, entrepreneur, it's so cool.” Like, one clean houses and one was a stone mason. My parents always worked and provided with whatever I needed, but I always felt super different. I would be dropped off to school in a ton truck. And I would literally scrape the rubble off my pants being like, “Is someone going to smell this concrete of my dad dropping me off?” And, “Dad, can you drop me off back there?”.

My parents' dynamic with money was very different. Even to this day, my dad, if you talk to him, you would think he has nothing. He drives cars until they are driven into the ground. He like, “Are you going to eat all that food?” When you go to dinner. Or makes different comments. And then my mom is this giver. My mom didn't have much growing up either, so I think my mom overcompensated, always wanted to make sure we felt like we had or have those right jeans, or we did fit in. So, it was two conflicting messages. And when I say my parents didn't teach me about money, they didn't. They never sat me down and said, “This is how you do it. This is what you do. This is how you get a credit card. This is how you budget. This is how... ” But they did teach me about money. They taught me a lot of lessons and I actually started “working” working. I've always been a hustler or a grinder.

I've started helping my mom at age six. Like, emptying trash cans and putting vacuum lines, like those perfect little vacuum lines in people's office complexes. And so that kind of carried with me to different areas of my life. And I've always kind of been an old soul and really falling into numbers. So yeah, it's just a huge passion of mine. And I'm thankful for all the lessons. And I always joke and I joke with my little brothers. So, there's four of us. I have an older brother and myself, and then we have two younger brothers. And I always joke, we were raised very differently and we were.

My dad, like I said, he was a stone mason and a point in his career, he made a switch and he literally laid the stone. Like, his laborious work. At a point in his career, he was like, “I'm going to have a stone yard and I'm going to start having laborers and different people that do this and crews.” He made a switch from being an owner to an operator. I'm sorry, from operator to an owner. I'm sorry. Instead of working just in his business, letting that business work for him. He still grinds and he still works so much. And I see them and I'm thankful for their lessons, and I also still see a big aspect that I'm like, “I don't want to be that. I need to switch.” I've been making switches in my own business as well of making that switch, because I want the freedom that something doesn't rule me or own me, that I'm doing what I love passionately, but it's not controlling me, if that makes sense.

Kristy’s Money Lesson:

A takeaway is you need to be authentic and honest with yourself. What are your priorities and what do you want? What decisions are you making based on other people? Whether it be close family members, whether it be social media, whether it be the neighborhood, the environment, whatever circumstances. Are there decisions that you're financially making that are for other people and how they make you feel significant? Or is it authentically something you're getting that makes you happy and experience or whatever? So, I think that's a huge lesson.

Kristy’s Money Tip:

So, I'm big on visuals. Part of our Start planner, it starts with goals and a vision board, 90-day strategies. I'm big on us visually seeing that. I think that that helps us. It helps us remember things. So, one thing that I do with my money is I actually visualize my money. So, I create different buckets. So, I have a main checking account and then I create savings accounts. And each of those savings account are for different things. So, if I'm wanting to renovate my kitchen. I have one for vacations. I have a savings account for just legit rainy day savings account. I have one for my taxes. They're not escrowed into my main house. So, I have one for my taxes.

Basically, what I do is I set up auto draws to those things. So, they're set up as bills. And when I log into my account or when I see these different things, they're visualized for what they are. So, if it's for a vacation, I can visually see that money going out and getting that attainment. So, I think that those life lessons that I learned at a young age of getting that car, buying that house, and setting those visual things, I think it helps people. Like, as we're feeling like we're not making progress, even if it's just creating a savings account, I'm going to pay off this debt, if it's a credit card that you have. And you pick that highest credit card that you have, and let's pay it off. Even if it's visually seeing that money and just paying it down, I think that there's so much to be said for visualizing and creating buckets with our money so that we feel the progress and we see the progress. Because I think that ultimately as humans, I know for me, and I think this is really relative for everybody, we thrive when we see progress. So, creating these visualizations helps us to see that progress.

Bobbi’s Financial Grownup Tips:

Financial Grownup Tip #1:

Kristy talks about how you can't just hustle and you can't just grind, make sure you take a break during these holidays. 

Financial Grownup Tip #2:

Becoming a financial grownup doesn't just happen. It's a journey, and you can tell that from the way that Kristy shares her own evolution as she grew up and experience life. We're all going to have seasons of our life when we feel like we are making progress, and then times when we feel like we are, well, taking a step back. 

Episode Links:

• Kristy’s website - https://startwithkristy.com

• Start Planner website - https://startplanner.com

Follow Kristy!

• Instagram - @startplanner

• Facebook - @startplanner

• Pinterest - @startplanner

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.

Entrepreneur and author Teneshia Warner shares a childhood story of being paid less because she was female, and being told that it would always be that way- by her own grandmother. Teneshia also shares her advice on how to handle the dream bullies and previews her new book.

Teneshia’s Money Story:

Teneshia Warner:
All right, so The Big Stretch, I am thrilled about my second book. As you just mentioned, I'm the founder of The Dream Project, and I was able to take a lot of the key learnings from speaking to over 180,000 dreamers, iconic dreamers, as well as my own story, and put it in a book format of a 12 week dreamers bootcamp.

Bobbi Rebell:
And I can tell you the book literally lays it out in very easy to follow steps and there's a lot of accountability in the book. We're going to get to that soon, but I don't want to hesitate to get to your money story, because this is kind of an epic story. There's a big twist, it has to do with your great grandmother and a lesson she taught you. But the lesson she taught you was not the one that she intended to teach you. Go for it.

Teneshia Warner:
All right, so my money story, it actually dates back until I was a young kid. I was in the third grade, so think I'm eight or nine. I had an idea that I wanted to work the summer over at my great grandmother's farm. She owned a farm with hundreds of acres of land. And my uncle, who was also very younger, he's only five years older than me, I went to him, and his name was Gerald. I said, "Gerald, I have an idea. I think I can convince our grandma, [Osi 00:03:43], to allow us to work the farm and pay us versus pay other people."

Teneshia Warner:
So he was down for it. And I went over to my grandmother and I pitched her on this concept. You should keep the money in the family, let Gerald and I work for you this summer. And so I landed us a job, Bobbi. And we were working the farm. We would get to work around 4:30 AM. I would go with my grandmother and Gerald would go with my great grandfather. And for my great grandmother, we would go and get eggs out of the chicken coop, we would clean the porches, we would pick fresh vegetables, we had to cook dinner. I mean it was a long, long day. And then as for Gerald, he was doing things in the field like picking corn, all types of hard labor things.

Bobbi Rebell::
But you're both working.

Teneshia Warner:
We both are not only working, we are working hard. At the end of the day we're exhausted.

Bobbi Rebell::
So then comes payday.

Teneshia Warner:
Yes. So we do this for about two weeks and payday comes. Prior to this, I didn't negotiate how much she was going to pay us, I was just happy to have a summer job. And so she gave us these envelopes, and I didn't want to be rude and open it in front of her.

Teneshia Warner:
So we got in the car and we went back home. And we open our envelopes. So Gerald tore his envelope open and out comes this money that's folding. And then I tear my envelope open, and coins drop out.

Teneshia Warner:
And so I'm looking, and I'm like, wait a minute, something's wrong here. Where's my money? There was no money, there was not folding money in there. And so I went to my mom and I said, "I need you to take me back over to my great grandmother, Osi's house."

Teneshia Warner:
So she took me back and I said, "Hey you, you must have made a mistake because I don't have any folding dollars and I only have coins, so you didn't pay me the right amount." And we kind of went back and forth. She told me she was very clear on the amount that she paid me. And I kept pushing, pushing.

Teneshia Warner:
And then finally she said, "You know what, Neshia." She called me Neshia. "I'm not going to pay you the same amount that I paid Gerald, because the world is not going to do that." She said, "No matter what, girls do not make what boys make, and I'm not going to start doing that." Yes. So it really pierced my heart.

Bobbi Rebell:
And this was a statement, not a discussion.

Teneshia Warner:
This was a statement, yes. It was like, the end. And so I was really, really courageous with what I did next, Bobbi. I put my hands on my hip, I looked at her in the eyes and I said, "If you're not going to pay me what you pay Gerald, I need you to know I quit." And I took off running because she definitely believed in the rod and she would have spanked me, but it was worth it for me to stand up for myself.

Bobbi Rebell:
And what did Gerald say?

Teneshia Warner:
So my dearest Gerald. Gerald felt sorry for me. However, Gerald continued to work and collected that check for the rest of the summer.

Bobbi Rebell:
Wow. And that folded money. And what did your mom say? And did you have any further discussions as you got older about this with any of the people involved?

Teneshia Warner:
So my mom, she's just awesome. I told her how I felt, and she told me that I did not have to go back and work there, that if I really wanted to quit, that I could. Hindsight looking back, I realized she really wanted to teach me a lesson, and she knew that that was going to give me an experience to stand up for myself and to actually demand my value, which leads me to, that's why it's my money story because one of my biggest lessons I took away from that, and that's, it's okay to demand your value and stand by that.

Bobbi Rebell:
And the amazing thing is, that was not the lesson that your great grandmother was teaching you.

Teneshia Warner:
Absolutely not.

Bobbi Rebell:
She is from a different era, and we love our grandmas, but that was not the lesson that we want to teach people today. What is your lesson for our listeners from that story?

“It’s ok to demand your value and stand by that.”

Teneshia’s Money Lesson:

Teneshia Warner:
So my lesson for your listeners is, if you are a small business owner, and or, if you're working in corporate America, there comes a time that you have to be extremely comfortable with what you bring to the table and the value that's associated with that, and willing to negotiate based on that value, and not compromising that.

Bobbi Rebell:
One thing in the book that I've asked you to talk about as your money tip, your everyday money tip is, how to do a dream detox specifically. If there are people in your life that are what you call a dream bullies, what do you do specifically to get rid of those people? Do you just ghost them? What do you do?

“When you have a dream and you have a big idea, it is important that you safeguard your dream.”

Teneshia’s Money Tip:

Bobbi Rebell:
One thing in the book that I've asked you to talk about as your money tip, your everyday money tip is, how to do a dream detox specifically. If there are people in your life that are what you call a dream bullies, what do you do specifically to get rid of those people? Do you just ghost them? What do you do?

Teneshia Warner:
Well, I definitely wouldn't say ghost them. Well, first, I think it's very important to know that when you have a dream, and you have a big idea, especially when you really originally get that idea, it's important that you safeguard your dream. So you have to become aware of who is in your circle.

Teneshia Warner:
Do you have a circle of dream champions? Champions reflect back to you the best of who you're becoming, they're going to reflect back to you the possibility that this dream can become a reality. And or, you have dream bullies. And dream bullies are those that are within our circle that potentially just cannot see the vision that you've been given for that dream. Sometimes your dream bully can be the people that are the closest to you, that actually love you the most, and they will actually try to protect you as you stretch to become more uncomfortable and to step outside of that comfort zone, you will find that you start to disrupt the comfort zone of sometimes the people that are really close to you.

Teneshia Warner:
Those individuals can sometimes want to protect you. Instead, they're becoming a dream bully. They're working against your vision. So for me, my best friend in the whole world is my grandmother. Not my great grandmother, but my grandmother. Her name is [Noretha Hearns and 00:09:24], and she is the biggest dream bully I've ever encountered.

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh my goodness.

Teneshia Warner:
And so I've had to learn, when I have a big idea, and I have a concept, I don't share those visions with my grandmother because she's not going to support me in having them turn out. So for the listeners, how do you do a dream detox and how do you protect yourself from the bullies? Well, number one, first you need to identify who they are. Second, you need to alter your conversations accordingly. That's not the place to go and share your next big idea, that's not the place you call where you want to know, do I continue to go or do I stop?

Teneshia Warner:
And so it's not about cutting out dream bullies completely out of your life. I don't want you sort of ghosting everybody and then saying Teneshia and Bobbi told you to tell everybody peace out. No, that's not what we're saying. However, I will say it's about becoming conscious, and aware, and protecting your ideas and your dreams accordingly. And it may mean altering your relationships with the person, especially as you're in a season of birthing a new dream. You may not find yourself hanging out with the old best friend where you know you guys used to gossip, or you weren't doing anything productive. Maybe that's not the person that you will be spending the majority of your time with in this new season of bringing your dream to reality.

Teneshia Warner:
One of the things that you talk about in your book also is doing a time audit. Absolutely. And, Bobbi, you and I were just talking. You talked about the fact that your book was in Cosmo, or in these business magazines. It wasn't that it just appeared there, but you did a lot of hard work. And so the hard work that goes into where you invested your time. So when you have this idea and this dream, you need to also do a time audit to say what time can you get back, and work that time for you and your dream.

“Your big idea and your dream, I can 100% bet it is not going to dwell within the zip code of your comfort zone. You are going to have to stretch beyond that, and it is probably going to take some radical action.”

Bobbi’s Financial grownup tips:

Financial grownup tip number one:

Bobbi Rebell:
I totally related to tenacious experiences with dream bullies. I probably had more bullies, as she calls it, than supporters when I announced, a few years ago, that I was going to write a book with candid and personal money stories from super successful people while working full time in media, with three kids and a husband, and of course a dog.

Bobbi Rebell:
People were not only skeptical, some made really hurtful comments, and I know there was chatter behind my back at work. It was pretty bad. They really thought I would never pull it off. I had some supporters, don't get me wrong, but I wish I had Teneshia in my corner back then. But she's right, sometimes it's better to just not share your plans with them early on, especially if you kind of know they're not going to be supportive.

Financial grownup tip number two:

Do a time audit, kind of like those weight loss diaries where if you're write it down, you see what's going on, and that act in and of itself will change your behavior, and you'll have a better focus and be able to better allocate your time. You become more accountable. Don't necessarily though, share it with those dream bullies.

Episode Links:

• Blinkist - The app I’m loving right now. Please use our link to support the show and get a free trial.

• Teneshia’s website - egamigroup.com

• Teneshia’s new book The Big Stretch

Follow Teneshia!

• Instagram - @teneshiajwarner

• Facebook - @teneshiajwarner

• Twitter - @teneshiajwarner

• LinkedIn - @teneshiajackson

• Pinterest - @dreamcreative

Follow Egami Group!

• Instagram - @egamigroup

• Facebook - @EgamiConsulting

• Twitter - @egamigroup

• LinkedIn - @egami-consulting-group

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.

Talesha Carter lost all the money she had at the rodeo with friends. Fortunately she was only 9 years old.  But the money lesson stayed with her and created a money focus that is helping her to serve others.

In Talesha's money story you will learn:

I loved it, yes. I grew up in a small town. Rodeos were a big deal. This particular rodeo was actually down in Salt Lake City area, so about an hour and a half away from where I grew up. This was like the big rigs.

Bobbi Rebell:
The big time.

Talesha Carter:
Yes. It was so much fun. I went there with my friend and her family.

Bobbi Rebell:
And you were how old?

Talesha Carter:
I was nine years old. I was a little wee one.

Bobbi Rebell:
So cool. Okay, so this is sort of a little bit of independence that you're getting, and your parents gave you, really, your first taste of financial independence, and spoiler alert, you failed spectacularly. Tell us exactly what happened. What did they do? They entrusted you. They said, "Okay, you're a big girl, you're nine years old, we're going to give you this responsibility." What happened?

Talesha Carter:
Yes! So they gave me the money. It was $50, and they told me, "Be very careful with this money. Please don't lose it. We're trusting you that you can be responsible with it." Years before they had started to teach me about saving money and spending money, so I had my little buckets and everything, so I had a pretty good concept. I'm the oldest child, so again they entrusted me that I could do well with it. I was so excited that they would let me have my own money, and therefore I got to have my own wallet to keep the fancy-pantsy money in.

Bobbi Rebell:
So you're all organized, you've got your money and your wallet, and what were you going to spend it on? What was this money for?

Talesha Carter:
Yes. Oh, anything I wanted. It could be food, it could be souvenirs, it could be little outings that we were going to do, because we were also going to be going to Lagoon, which is an amusement park here in Utah. So lots of good things that we were going to be able to use with it, and so I was there, and just having so much fun. I was obsessed with the broncos, and just being able to watch the cowboys there and watching the bull riding, all that. I just was so entranced by it, and had a lot of soda beforehand, and about midway through, I was a little kid. You don't have much bladder control.

So I'm like, "Okay, I've got to go to the bathroom." I remember having this distinct memory of, "Oh, I have to take my money with me. I can't just leave my wallet here on the fence." Then the next thought was, "Oh, I'd better take it with me, because my parents said, 'Always keep your money with you. Don't lose your money.'"

Bobbi Rebell:
So you were being financially responsible.

Talesha Carter:
That's what I thought, yes. As a nine year old. So my friend and I, we went and found the bathroom, and I remembered, I didn't want to put it on the gross dirty floor, so I put it on the back of the toilet seat. I went to the bathroom, came out, washed my hands and everything, and I left it there on the toilet seat. Completely forgot that it was even there. Came back to our seats, we were enjoying the rodeo, and then I just had that sinking pit in my stomach of, "Oh my gosh, where is my wallet?" You know, as a grown up woman now, if you've ever left your purse somewhere and you have that moment of panic, that's what I felt as a nine year old, was that moment of, "Oh my gosh, I've got to go get my money. Where is my money? Where did I leave this money?"

And so we quickly went back to the bathroom, and of course, we went into every single stall, and nothing was there and no one had turned it in.

Bobbi Rebell:
Aw. You went to the lost and found?

Talesha Carter:
Yes. Yes, we did everything to try and find it, and you know, hopefully someone else enjoyed that $50.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's disappointing that somebody did not turn that in to lost and found. I mean, did you have your name on it, anything? As a nine year old, we tend to put name tags on our kids' stuff.

Talesha Carter:
Yes. Yes. You know, I'm sure I probably did, but I don't remember how that was. But I think one of the most disappointing things was that people could be dishonest. And that was a real big gut punch.

Bobbi Rebell:
Right, because you left it there, and I get it. That's irresponsible.

Talesha Carter:
Yes.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's a lesson when you're nine, but somebody also took it! And that's also a lesson, that if you don't pay attention to your money, someone might take it.

Talesha Carter:
Yes. So then from there I had to have that hard conversation and call my mom and dad, and tell them, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I lost your money." I could hear their disappointment through the phone, but my parents are so amazing and incredible, and they just walked me through it. They said they were disappointed, but that they loved me and it was okay, and we could make that money back, and it wasn't earth-shattering, but I think for me the biggest thing is that nine year old was feeling that guilt that I had lost my parents' hard earned money, and then as well, feeling upset that someone would take it, and then me feeling like, "Oh my gosh, now I'm always going to lose my money."

So especially when I started my own business, that was where I started to see it come through a lot. I've always loved money, but that belief of, "Oh, I'm going to lose this money." So then I got really, I would hold onto it, and I almost created this scarcity mindset with money of, "If I don't keep it with me, or if I'm not tracking it 100% through my bank account, it's going to lose money," or some hacker is going to come on and take it.

So it made me almost shift into that scarcity greedy side of money, instead of just money flows to me easily, side of things.

Bobbi Rebell:
Right. And negativity about money, that money is not something that can empower you, it's something that you have to kind of hoard and protect and keep because someone else might take it from you. And that can really weigh on you.

Talesha Carter:
Yeah. It was a huge, that was probably one of the biggest lessons in that, is that I had to be able to let go of that fear that money was against me instead of for me.

“I had to be able to  let go of that fear that money was against me instead of for me” 

In Talesha’s money lesson you will learn:

Yeah, so I had to really learn how to identify my money beliefs. One of the ways I like to do that, and what I teach my coaching clients, is to start to look at the money that they have right now, and ask themselves, how do they feel about it? Are you happy? Are you sad? Does this overwhelm you? Does it stress you out?

And then from there, write letters to your money. Identify what your money is trying to tell you.

Bobbi Rebell:
Do you actually write letters to your money?

Talesha Carter:
I do. I do, yes.

Bobbi Rebell:
What do you say in your letters to your money?

Talesha Carter:
When I was first starting out, it was, "Why do you always leave? Why is there never enough? Why do I feel like any time I make money, it just quickly leaves?" The bills, whatever it is that you have. And so it first started out very negatively, like, "I don't like you. Why do you always leave me?"

Then it has slowly shifted into, "You're pretty awesome. Thank you so much for showing up in my life. This is really cool that I made $100 today by helping out a person, and now I'm going to turn around and utilize this to help my family or another family." Just writing like I would write to my best friend.

“ I had to learn how to identify my money beliefs”

In Talesha's everyday money tip you will learn:

Talesha Carter:
A lot of times we do things electronically, and so I like to cash my money, and put it into cash. And then I carry $100 worth of cash with me, and it's in the range from $2 bills all the way up to $100 bills. From there, I look at it every single day, and I'll say, "Thank you for showing up in my life. How can I help serve another person with this money?"

Bobbi Rebell:
So gratitude.

Talesha Carter:
Yes. So much gratitude.

“People could be dishonest and that was a real gut punch” 

Financial grownup tip number one:

Look out for your friends' money and possessions. It would be obvious for me to say, "Keep tabs on your own stuff when you are out and about." That goes without saying. But I'm going to share a story, and I still feel sick to my stomach about it.

I was in London with a friend in college, we were at a restaurant. She went to the ladies' room, and I did not realize it, but she had left her bag somewhere. Maybe it was on the floor, the back of the chair, I wasn't really paying attention.

She hadn't said anything, but I was at the table, and her bag was somewhere. The thing is, I wasn't paying attention. And when she returned, she didn't notice anything either. But when we went to pay the bill, we noticed the bag had disappeared.

I still feel bad. Someone obviously came by and swiped it while she was away, or maybe it was when we were just talking, who knows? The point is, we weren't paying attention. We need to have each others' backs.

Financial grownup tip number two:

You probably won't get a do-over, so come up with a do-next. What are you going to do next time, after something goes wrong.

I want you guys to give it some thought, and when you have time, please DM me and let me know how you have come back from doing something cringe worthy with your money, like leaving your wallet in the bathroom. Because as I said at the top of the show, we all have those moments that we wish we could get a do-over on.

Heads up, everyone. Financial grownups pay attention to the news and learn from it. Here is your shortcut.

Episode/Other Links:

• Talesha's 1-on-1 coaching

• Talesha's Facebook Group- Foster Vitality: Energy Connection

Check out Talesha's website -

www.FosterVitality.com

Follow Talesha!

• Instagram - @FosterVitality

• Facebook - @FosterVitality

• YouTube

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.